Live. Life. Your. Way.

Just got done re-watching the series Trauma. It only lasted one season, but I enjoyed it. It was more about the people than it was the medical emergency. One of the main characters, Nancy, helped a woman who had stage-4 cancer. As she was treating her in her home, she looked around at everything; sand from all the beaches, pictures of her doing things, art work, etc. You could tell it was affecting her. Then she started remembering her mother who never went any further than Canada or Mexico. And that got me thinking.

People think they have to back pack the beaches of Viet Nam or travel to Europe to have lived. To be happy. That's an illusion in my opinion. Just like with me and joining the military. Something stops you. If you do it, do it. Just like Yoda says, 'There is no try, only do.' 

It  took me a long time to realize I was going in the direction I was suppose too; and the only person I could blame was me. Good or bad,  I owned the highs and lows. 

Now, with everything that has happened to me in the last 14 years; I think I am a much more laid back person. I have faced bankruptcy, death, disowned, disgraced (in my opinion) divorced, and whole bunch of other 'd's I am sure. In some ways I have been lucky. In my younger days I got to really live, and now I have my memories to entertain me while I slog through the rough patches. I did more before I was 30 than most people will ever do. I made it to Europe. I made it to Hawaii. I visited Canada and many many places here in the USA. I lead people. I personally know prominent people and many others who I am in awe and love and respect as I know the journey they have taken. I know people in many countries and call them friend though I haven't seen them in 30 years. I am very lucky. I have seen people at their best and worst. I have accomplished things; I climbed Diamond head on my birthday. I have had my words published as well as being a professional photographer (yes, I actually got paid to take pictures). I have lived. 

Is it the life I had wanted? No. At one time I had wanted to be so many things... dam my ADHD.. but thats BS, in my case. Its like looking at a buffet and trying to decide what you want. You won't know until you try a little of everything. Thats how I am looking at life. I have tried, still trying, a little bit of everything. I always said I hated to be bored and thats why I would stuff a paperback book in the bell of my sousaphone so I could read as the band waited during parade practice. 

I have known good people who died too soon and also passed on their own terms. I own my life. No one else does. Is it better to be respected or loved? You can respect someone without knowing or loving them. But can you love someone without respect? Not much of a relationship or love if you do, in my opinion. 

When I worked for Domino's in Boonville I got a chance to be on the other end of the pizza box, where as before I was the one ordering the pizza. You become invisible. But I want to share some instances. 

Usually on a Sunday night we would get this call for pizza from this one house. They were definitely low income. But I remember the first time I delivered to them; it was a summer night and they just had the screen door closed so I could hear them when I approached. When I knocked they said come on in. There were 3 or 4 of them sitting on a couch counting nickles, dimes and quarters. I then heard one of the ladies say to make sure there was enough for a tip. They chatted me up, asking my name and saying they were hurrying. They were very nice. I think I got a dollar or two tip. But what I came away from that was much more. They had wanted to make sure that their delivery driver got a tip, when they could have just paid what was owed. I really wouldn't have blamed them as you could tell they were making or barely making it. From then on, whenever I got a delivery to them I made sure they were the first place I stopped if I had more than one. They earned my respect and I made sure I took care of them. Not for any other tip, but because they understood and were trying. Trust me; you treat people in the food service industry good, especially if you are a repeat customer. 

A second trip; I took a bunch of pizzas to one of the nicest and biggest house around; sat way back off the road, landscaped, multiple vehicles, boat, etc. Mucho Money. When I delivered the pizzas, the lady gave me a check for the exact amount and never said more than 2 words to me. That stayed with me also. 

Finally I delivered pizza to one of the hotels. There was some girl's school track team or something staying and had ordered. I got my money and a note. I don't know if the girls were just playing or serious or what but it made my night. They said in the note thank you and that I was 'fine.' Please. I was old enough to be any of their fathers. It was funny and cute and made my night go by faster. 

All these thing and many more are things I have learned. It has made me who I am and got me where I am. If I suddenly took off for the beaches of Viet Nam or Thailand, then that's what I was supposed to do at that time. I have no desire to do that. But there are other things that I could do, that may or may not seem odd. Leaving mid-Missouri might have seen odd to some; they couldn't believe I did it. But it was time. 

I learned not to dwell on things that might have been. I either did or did not. I am me.