I don't know if its the coffee, the new year or what, but I feel like I am thawing out - even though the temperature is not even above freezing. I have not had any really good things happen. Have had some not good things happen, and I have many things that I need to work on, so that can't be it.
The job is good. Not doing super good or super bad, but I enjoy it. I really do think the coffee helps me focus there. I have a routine I guess.
One thing that never stops, and again, it must be the coffee, is my mind. I was thinking that had I been born now, growing up, I may have been diagnosed with ADD. Personally I think a lot of kids with ADD, are being diagnosed with it, even though they are being kids. I am not saying ALL. But we seemed to have reached a point where if someone is acting, "there must be something wrong with that kid." How about that kid, is being a kid. And a parent should be a parent. I judge everything by how I was raised, because, in my opinion, I turned out ok. Not great or fabulous, but good. I am a good person. I thank God that it came from how I was raised, where I was raised and what I learned. And yes, this was all pre-KMS.
I think I mentioned before, that I considered where, how and everything else about my young life, to be having been raised in paradise. Then I bit the apple by going to Kemper and discovering the rest of the world.
Some might say I was spoiled. After wrestling with that for a while, and again, getting over the mind-screwing that my ex did to me about it, I realized I wasn't.
My parents were born in 1919, married in 1943 and had me in 1963. I was the first, last and only. As my mother put it: when she got married she prayed for four boys. (Living on a farm, that was basically free labor). But after 20 years she just prayed for one. When she had me, she said she didn't realized she got all four in one. (I think my dad switching from tight jockeys to loose boxers might also had something to do with it). In other words, I was a handful.
Because I was an only child, the only grand child, I was spoiled. But, saying that now a days, it doesn't mean the same thing. Did I get I what I wanted? Usually. But what I wanted was never a lot. I didn't WANT a lot. I was never trying to keep up with anyone. And if I didn't deserve it, I got told "no." Books, models, G.I. Joes...these were things that I wanted because I lived in the country, and I had to make my own fun. Did I get them all the time? No. I got them when my mom and dad would go out for the evening, to keep me busy, while I "grandma sat." I gotthem for getting good grades. I got them for always doing my chores. Get it?
There was no satellite tv, no vcr. I had three channels and I listened to the AM station on the radio. FM didn't mean a lot to me at the time. I knew what stations I liked because of the music they played or maybe if there was a baseball game on. KAAY from Little Rock and WLS from Chicago were two that I liked. But the reception was never the best. WHB or KCMO from Kansas City were closer and better recption at times. I guess a bad habit that I did pick up from my dad was that he listened to the radio or tv, and had to have it on when he went to bed. That was a tough adjustment when I wen to to Kemper, as a new boy, when lights out happened, everything was off in your room.
So I either watched tv, built models, read, explored 740 acres of prime Missouri farm land, watched the stars at night, or played games with my mom and dad, while my grandma looked on. I always heard and knew my mom and dad and grandma loved me. Never doubted it, even if I got a "whipping." And I always deserved it.
I could be whatever I wanted, according to them. The problem, of course I didn't realize it was a 'problem' til much later, was that I wanted to do it all. Be it all. My mind and hobbies wandered like the Missouri river. My interests never stopped, though they may have gotten side tracked. So when I say I am a jack of all trades, I know a little about a lot of things, because almost everything interested me. The one thing that I remember reading in a Louis L'Amour western book was when a character said something to the affect of learn everything you can. Its truly the one thing they can never take away from you. No, "they" can't. But Alzheimer's (hate that disease) can. But that wasn't what he was talking about.
So, if that makes me spoiled, so be it.
No comments:
Post a Comment