What makes a person who they are? Is it one singular incident, that 'turning point' in someones life or are they multiple ones? Or is a person just born a certain way; nature vs nurture? Or does it really matter? For me, I believe in the cause and affect rule. Something happened, whether once or more than once and that elicited an effect.
My musical tastes might be a good example. I love the 70s and 80s music. Thank goodness for satellite radio! I am listening to a Chicago song. And as Brian and I once discussed, Chicago is or was Peter Cetera. Though the Chicago sound is more brass; as long as they had a good singer who could carry the melody, I might actually argue that the real Chicago music is that. I have the compilation of all their songs and I have heard songs of theirs that I am not a fan of. There are very few groups/singers that I like everything they do. Lets see; Barry Manilow, Rocket Kirschner (local Columbia guy), Joshua Kadison, Jim Croce, John Denver and England Dan and John Ford Coley to name a very few. I can honestly say with EDJFC I like 99.9% of everything they put out that I have heard. And as far as I know, I discovered them on my own. The radio helped no doubt, but I think I went out and got their albums and then I would share them with people who were special to me so the bond grew. Another group would be the Eagles.
I liked the Eagles when I heard them; One of these Nights, Desperado, Tequila Sunrise, Hotel California...but I also remember Bunch having one of those 8-track players, with a handle on the top that you would hit to advance the track. I remember he had that and either Hotel California or The Long Run. Just like Carol, my first Sunday School teacher/youth leader, whatever... but she had a blue Firebird with t-tops. I remember when the youth group went camping at the camp ground (now gone) at Rocheport. and she had a Doobie Brothers cassette. I remember then going with my dad to a Radio Shack where I got a cassette player and 2 cassettes. One was Doobie Brothers - Taking It To The Street. The other was a Helen Reddy one. Talk about two very different groups.
I remember Nichols from Kemper, riding with him and his homemade cassettes; Marshall Tucker Band and Billy Joel. Craft got me into Jim Croce - Photograph and Memories.
Just like there are songs that go with certain people. I hope we all have that. A song will take you to a time and place long ago. And while that song maybe playing at another time, there will return you to a time that is never forgotten with people no longer here at places that are gone. And you will remember.
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Idiots Guide to James
I was hoping to make this a manual about me. You know the Book of...
Looking back on some of my posts, is a pretty good idea. There are things I see, things I hear or remember, and want to share or write down or want to tell someone. But things sound better in my head; ideas and notions play out so much better in the fictional world of my brain.
Like seeing John Larroquette on an old episode of The West Wing. Also many familiar faces who I remember from other series or movies that I loved. Night Court of course is where he got his big break. But also he had his own show; The John Larroquette Show. Man, I loved that show. Great characters, funny stuff. I found many episodes on line. I also realized when it stopped being funny for me, was when he was ready to marry Carly but his ex shows up at the church to tell him shes pregnant with his baby. That got too soap operary for me.
Then he has been McBride, as a lawyer on some Hallmark shows. No matter what, I love his voice, mannerisms... while he may play many roles, I think he is always playing himself. That's why the characters are so relatable and believable as they are him.
A new year. New thoughts? New ideas? New direction; I hope so. Yet I like the past. I have always been a big believer in remembering those that went before us, as we stand on the shoulders of giants. As each generation comes and goes we loose something. They forget who came before thinking that Theirs was the best.
I am not really sure what generation I am from and frankly don't care. Is mine the best? Its the best for me; the times I lived in are the best and the worst. When they are gone they will be gone forever. Maybe some pictures will be left; memories of people who knew and cared for me. But that will last as long as they are around just as there are people who are gone but live on in my mind. Heck, even the illustrious and all knowing Internet may not keep things alive forever.
Heck maybe Jesus does need to come back so we can wrap things up. I believe that once this life/earth is over, God, the great and powerful and immortal DM, will start a new world. The basic ideas will remain but the outcome and people will always be different.
Maybe this time I can help the clouds with the rain or be a guardian angel or maybe even be Santa Claus. Who knows. Thats the beauty and the mystery of life. and it can all be over quickly. so we should remember our past. Maybe thats why thing happened; I had my desert, my meal and now I'm paying for it. But I have my memories for now and that helps some in making it through the day. As C.W. McCall once said, "Life is a collection of memories; and memories are like star-light, they go on for ever."
10-4
Looking back on some of my posts, is a pretty good idea. There are things I see, things I hear or remember, and want to share or write down or want to tell someone. But things sound better in my head; ideas and notions play out so much better in the fictional world of my brain.
Like seeing John Larroquette on an old episode of The West Wing. Also many familiar faces who I remember from other series or movies that I loved. Night Court of course is where he got his big break. But also he had his own show; The John Larroquette Show. Man, I loved that show. Great characters, funny stuff. I found many episodes on line. I also realized when it stopped being funny for me, was when he was ready to marry Carly but his ex shows up at the church to tell him shes pregnant with his baby. That got too soap operary for me.
Then he has been McBride, as a lawyer on some Hallmark shows. No matter what, I love his voice, mannerisms... while he may play many roles, I think he is always playing himself. That's why the characters are so relatable and believable as they are him.
A new year. New thoughts? New ideas? New direction; I hope so. Yet I like the past. I have always been a big believer in remembering those that went before us, as we stand on the shoulders of giants. As each generation comes and goes we loose something. They forget who came before thinking that Theirs was the best.
I am not really sure what generation I am from and frankly don't care. Is mine the best? Its the best for me; the times I lived in are the best and the worst. When they are gone they will be gone forever. Maybe some pictures will be left; memories of people who knew and cared for me. But that will last as long as they are around just as there are people who are gone but live on in my mind. Heck, even the illustrious and all knowing Internet may not keep things alive forever.
Heck maybe Jesus does need to come back so we can wrap things up. I believe that once this life/earth is over, God, the great and powerful and immortal DM, will start a new world. The basic ideas will remain but the outcome and people will always be different.
Maybe this time I can help the clouds with the rain or be a guardian angel or maybe even be Santa Claus. Who knows. Thats the beauty and the mystery of life. and it can all be over quickly. so we should remember our past. Maybe thats why thing happened; I had my desert, my meal and now I'm paying for it. But I have my memories for now and that helps some in making it through the day. As C.W. McCall once said, "Life is a collection of memories; and memories are like star-light, they go on for ever."
10-4
Friday, January 4, 2013
Nightmare
I had what some would call a nightmare last night. It wasn't a dream where I was the central character, so I guess it could be classified a horror movie, but not one that I would ever want to see. But now, in the wakening hours as I try and make sense of it, my brain is starting to make that dream into a kick ass story.
I don't know if I can even begin to make sense of it, but will try. At any other time I would be waking in a cold sweat. Instead this dream has left a bruise on my soul. It will fade and go away, but hurt and leave a stain until it does.
I can't describe what I saw; it was straight from a horror movie with the kind of film editing where something is far away and then it appears right in your face - like from The Ring. It was gruesome, gory, bloody, unsettling, disturbing, unnecessary...
So let me write down what I dreamed and what my brain has started to fill in before its gone completely-like mist escaping before the dawn's light.
"Are you a Christian?"
I turn to the woman's voice and feel my eyes pop out, while trying to remain calm and find my voice. The woman was one of the most attractive women I have ever seen. Tall, with shoulder length auburn hair of reds cascade to frame a goddess face. Deep green eyes with full lips pierce my eyes, heart and every other part of me. I'm close enough to her that I inhale her scent; something light but provocative.
My eye-lids flutter as I take in her question and the sight of her. I swallow so I can find my voice and reply solidly, "Yes I am. Why?"
She smiled at me revealing white teeth, "Good! I am in need of some spiritual help and hoped you might be able to help me."
"Of course." I turned to look at the clock, I had about 10 minutes left on my shift. I was working part time at a dinner counter at a gas station while I found work. My job had 'gone away' and right now, eight bucks an hour was better than nothing.
"Ok James, you're good to go." My boss Mary said from the back office.
"Must be fate," I said to this lovely woman. Now that I had my libido in check I could be more realistic as I took off my apron. Getting into my jacket gave me time to look at her. I would guess her age to be about 35, better dressed than most that would come in here; like she was heading out to a club or night on the town. This being four o'clock and the week between Christmas and New Year's it was highly possible.
Looking down so she wouldn't catch me checking her out, I did my own assessment. I'm almost 50 but look ten years younger. My haircut keeps the receding hair and the accumulating of silver to a minimum. Been going back to Gold's gym to loose weight and I feel better, but I am still a big guy. Zipping up my jacket I come to the conclusion that I looked 'safe' to her.
"Want to get some coffee?"
Now she looked at me the way I had been surreptitiously checking her out.
Cocking my head, "Do I still meet with your approval?" I gave her a slight smile.
Looking me straight in the eyes, "Yes, you'll do just fine."
We walked out to the parking lot. "Do you want to follow me or..."
"We can take my car." She stopped at a 2013 Cadillac XTC. It was a dark burgundy color that complimented her hair and looked like it had driven off the show room floor.
I stopped. Remembering what my parents had always said about getting into a stranger's car, looked in the back seat; empty. I looked at the woman; she had on a stylish jacket but as far as I could tell didn't have a weapon. Finding my cell phone in my jacket I flipped a mental coin. "Ok," I said slowly.
Getting in I could still smell that new car smell.Turning over the engine she looked at me, "You're awful trusting of someone whose name you don't even know and just met."
A couple of comments went through my head. I didn't think any would be appropriate or probably funny so I just went with a simple response as I held out my hand, "I'm James."
Blinking like a computer receiving new data she slowly extended her hand, "Eve." I think she was surprised at my introduction; obviously expecting almost anything but that.
Taking it I immediately felt a jolt of cold lighting shoot through me. Her hands were like ice. She must have noticed as she smiled and put the car in gear, "You know what they say; cold hands, warm heart."
Pulling into traffic I said, "So where would you like to go? I am still relatively new to the area, so I will have to rely on your judgement."
She seemed to find that funny and smiled, "I actually have a church I want to go to and was hoping you could go with me."
"Really?"
"Really. I am serious about needing spiritual help." She kept her eyes on the road, but her face was serious. The jazz coming out of the speakers was real jazz, not the smooth silky kind I like, but stuff that I recognize as the Memphis style. More hard is the only way I can describe.
My mind had been trying to categorize the music when I noticed we had left town and was heading along a two lane blacktop into the Kansas countryside. It was getting darker and I had no idea where we were going. I gripped my cell phone tighter and hoped I could get a signal out here. At the same time I noticed we were moving at a good speed.
"I don't have any money and if you're going to kill me, you could make it quicker with a gun that trying to scare me."
She rewarded me with a deep throaty laugh. "I'm not after money and you are relatively safe with me."
For some reason that didn't really fill me with security.
'I just want to light you up, light you up, like a fire. I just want to, turn you on, turn you on and take you higher....' Those lyrics came on the radio and for some reason I thought it was very prophetic.
She was slowing down and turning into a parking lot when I came out of my worry. I noticed it was a church and from the sign I saw it said Eastview Methodist.
As we got out I tried to alleviate my fears, I jokingly asked, "You're not part of some devil-worshiping cult that is gonna sacrifice me."
Smiling she said, "You're not going to be sacrificed."
As I held open the door for her I felt the earth tremble and then a dump truck roared by. I shook my head, this is going to be interesting.
Looking around the vestibule, I could see through open doors the sanctuary. Eve was looking around a little apprehensive.
Seeing no one, smelling no burning incense or hearing any weird chanting I felt better. Maybe she was serious, or maybe she was the daughter or relative of someone here at church and needed someone to...
"What are you doing here?"
Coming from a side door near the pulpit was a slight man, about my age I guessed, dressed casually in jeans and sweater. He was striding forward with a such a look of disgust I was surprised.
Stepping forward, "I'm sorry Padre, the lights were on and the door was open. But look, there's no reason to..."
He moved right in front of me, but was obviously looking beyond me at Eve, "You know you are not welcome here."
Eve moved in front of James, "Look, we've got a problem. You know I wouldn't be here if there wasn't. I don't like it any more than you do."
The man looked at them and that's when James noticed his eyes. They seemed to be simmering silver and gold. He shook his head and thought it just must be the light or..no. They shimmered.
"A Balance. Of course. Thats why you brought him."
Smiling, Eve said, "He was hard to find around here."
Sighing, the man said, "Alright. What is going on that was so important you would risk this?"
Taking a tentative step forward she said, "The Two are out."
Huffing a laugh the man replied throwing up his arms, "Don't you think I know that!"
Eve continued, "Then why haven't you done anything?"
Hands on his hips he stated,"You're new."
Drawing up to her full height Eve exclaimed, "Well yes, but I don't see..."
"Excuse me," I said speaking up. "But could someone tell me whats going on and why I have to be here for this?"
They both looked as if noticing me for the first time. "You brought him, you tell him." The man said turning his back and starting to pace.
Eve turned and looked at me almost shyly before she motioned that I should sit down in one of the pews. As I scooted over she sat down next to me and, taking breath started to tell me.
"Ok, look," she said. "I know this may be hard to believe but there is a balance in the universe. Between Good and Evil..."
"Oh yeah I am getting that from you two. Good," gesturing to the Padre who was still up front, "and Evil." Looking at her.
She smiled bashfully, "A balance between Good and Evil, except I;m not the one thats bad..."
"I'm the bad one here." The Padre yelled.
"But why..."
Cutting the question off, "Later. There is also a balance between Law and Chaos."
"Like the alignments in Dungeons and Dragons."
"Ok, if you say so," she said pushing on. "Haven't you noticed the rash of shooting? The laws getting stricter? Those are in response to those two. Good and Evil is one thing. Its either good or bad. But with those tow; stronger laws tend to be the result of chaos; whether good or bad. While humans have the choice between Good or Evil, those two..."
"Don't play by the rules! Ironic I know." The Padre said coming over to join us.
"Well why don't you do something?"
Looking exasperated the Padre continued, "Because we really aren't suppose to. Back to the whole 'freedom of choice'," he did air quotes with his fingers.
"Then what are you two...?"
Eve took my hand and I could feel...everything in my body. Like electricity was going through my veins instead of blood. "You could say there were 'covert op' teams on each side also. We don't play well with each other as usually we are going against the other. And also it seems usually Evil has done something to try and get the upper hand..."
"Hey!" From the Padre but then he shrugged. He knew she was right.
"You see Chaos and Law can manifest themselves as Good and Evil also. Like Hitler in World War 2. Yes, he was Evil, but he was inflicted with Chaos making him more deadly and unstable. He was finally stopped."
Clearing his throat the Padre added, "And lets not forget the Salem Witch Trials. Ostensibly they were for 'Good' but Law took them beyond."
"Ok, I get while you two are talking but what am I doing here?"
The Padre looked at Eve and she continued, "You are a balance; not just between Good and Evil but also between Law and Chaos. You are all and nothing."
"So?"
Sighing, "So, you are going to help the world regain it's balance."
That's basically the dream. I did take some creative license as doing the whole Priest is good, beautiful woman bad... but wanted to get the point across about Chaos and Law.
I don't know if I can even begin to make sense of it, but will try. At any other time I would be waking in a cold sweat. Instead this dream has left a bruise on my soul. It will fade and go away, but hurt and leave a stain until it does.
I can't describe what I saw; it was straight from a horror movie with the kind of film editing where something is far away and then it appears right in your face - like from The Ring. It was gruesome, gory, bloody, unsettling, disturbing, unnecessary...
So let me write down what I dreamed and what my brain has started to fill in before its gone completely-like mist escaping before the dawn's light.
"Are you a Christian?"
I turn to the woman's voice and feel my eyes pop out, while trying to remain calm and find my voice. The woman was one of the most attractive women I have ever seen. Tall, with shoulder length auburn hair of reds cascade to frame a goddess face. Deep green eyes with full lips pierce my eyes, heart and every other part of me. I'm close enough to her that I inhale her scent; something light but provocative.
My eye-lids flutter as I take in her question and the sight of her. I swallow so I can find my voice and reply solidly, "Yes I am. Why?"
She smiled at me revealing white teeth, "Good! I am in need of some spiritual help and hoped you might be able to help me."
"Of course." I turned to look at the clock, I had about 10 minutes left on my shift. I was working part time at a dinner counter at a gas station while I found work. My job had 'gone away' and right now, eight bucks an hour was better than nothing.
"Ok James, you're good to go." My boss Mary said from the back office.
"Must be fate," I said to this lovely woman. Now that I had my libido in check I could be more realistic as I took off my apron. Getting into my jacket gave me time to look at her. I would guess her age to be about 35, better dressed than most that would come in here; like she was heading out to a club or night on the town. This being four o'clock and the week between Christmas and New Year's it was highly possible.
Looking down so she wouldn't catch me checking her out, I did my own assessment. I'm almost 50 but look ten years younger. My haircut keeps the receding hair and the accumulating of silver to a minimum. Been going back to Gold's gym to loose weight and I feel better, but I am still a big guy. Zipping up my jacket I come to the conclusion that I looked 'safe' to her.
"Want to get some coffee?"
Now she looked at me the way I had been surreptitiously checking her out.
Cocking my head, "Do I still meet with your approval?" I gave her a slight smile.
Looking me straight in the eyes, "Yes, you'll do just fine."
We walked out to the parking lot. "Do you want to follow me or..."
"We can take my car." She stopped at a 2013 Cadillac XTC. It was a dark burgundy color that complimented her hair and looked like it had driven off the show room floor.
I stopped. Remembering what my parents had always said about getting into a stranger's car, looked in the back seat; empty. I looked at the woman; she had on a stylish jacket but as far as I could tell didn't have a weapon. Finding my cell phone in my jacket I flipped a mental coin. "Ok," I said slowly.
Getting in I could still smell that new car smell.Turning over the engine she looked at me, "You're awful trusting of someone whose name you don't even know and just met."
A couple of comments went through my head. I didn't think any would be appropriate or probably funny so I just went with a simple response as I held out my hand, "I'm James."
Blinking like a computer receiving new data she slowly extended her hand, "Eve." I think she was surprised at my introduction; obviously expecting almost anything but that.
Taking it I immediately felt a jolt of cold lighting shoot through me. Her hands were like ice. She must have noticed as she smiled and put the car in gear, "You know what they say; cold hands, warm heart."
Pulling into traffic I said, "So where would you like to go? I am still relatively new to the area, so I will have to rely on your judgement."
She seemed to find that funny and smiled, "I actually have a church I want to go to and was hoping you could go with me."
"Really?"
"Really. I am serious about needing spiritual help." She kept her eyes on the road, but her face was serious. The jazz coming out of the speakers was real jazz, not the smooth silky kind I like, but stuff that I recognize as the Memphis style. More hard is the only way I can describe.
My mind had been trying to categorize the music when I noticed we had left town and was heading along a two lane blacktop into the Kansas countryside. It was getting darker and I had no idea where we were going. I gripped my cell phone tighter and hoped I could get a signal out here. At the same time I noticed we were moving at a good speed.
"I don't have any money and if you're going to kill me, you could make it quicker with a gun that trying to scare me."
She rewarded me with a deep throaty laugh. "I'm not after money and you are relatively safe with me."
For some reason that didn't really fill me with security.
'I just want to light you up, light you up, like a fire. I just want to, turn you on, turn you on and take you higher....' Those lyrics came on the radio and for some reason I thought it was very prophetic.
She was slowing down and turning into a parking lot when I came out of my worry. I noticed it was a church and from the sign I saw it said Eastview Methodist.
As we got out I tried to alleviate my fears, I jokingly asked, "You're not part of some devil-worshiping cult that is gonna sacrifice me."
Smiling she said, "You're not going to be sacrificed."
As I held open the door for her I felt the earth tremble and then a dump truck roared by. I shook my head, this is going to be interesting.
Looking around the vestibule, I could see through open doors the sanctuary. Eve was looking around a little apprehensive.
Seeing no one, smelling no burning incense or hearing any weird chanting I felt better. Maybe she was serious, or maybe she was the daughter or relative of someone here at church and needed someone to...
"What are you doing here?"
Coming from a side door near the pulpit was a slight man, about my age I guessed, dressed casually in jeans and sweater. He was striding forward with a such a look of disgust I was surprised.
Stepping forward, "I'm sorry Padre, the lights were on and the door was open. But look, there's no reason to..."
He moved right in front of me, but was obviously looking beyond me at Eve, "You know you are not welcome here."
Eve moved in front of James, "Look, we've got a problem. You know I wouldn't be here if there wasn't. I don't like it any more than you do."
The man looked at them and that's when James noticed his eyes. They seemed to be simmering silver and gold. He shook his head and thought it just must be the light or..no. They shimmered.
"A Balance. Of course. Thats why you brought him."
Smiling, Eve said, "He was hard to find around here."
Sighing, the man said, "Alright. What is going on that was so important you would risk this?"
Taking a tentative step forward she said, "The Two are out."
Huffing a laugh the man replied throwing up his arms, "Don't you think I know that!"
Eve continued, "Then why haven't you done anything?"
Hands on his hips he stated,"You're new."
Drawing up to her full height Eve exclaimed, "Well yes, but I don't see..."
"Excuse me," I said speaking up. "But could someone tell me whats going on and why I have to be here for this?"
They both looked as if noticing me for the first time. "You brought him, you tell him." The man said turning his back and starting to pace.
Eve turned and looked at me almost shyly before she motioned that I should sit down in one of the pews. As I scooted over she sat down next to me and, taking breath started to tell me.
"Ok, look," she said. "I know this may be hard to believe but there is a balance in the universe. Between Good and Evil..."
"Oh yeah I am getting that from you two. Good," gesturing to the Padre who was still up front, "and Evil." Looking at her.
She smiled bashfully, "A balance between Good and Evil, except I;m not the one thats bad..."
"I'm the bad one here." The Padre yelled.
"But why..."
Cutting the question off, "Later. There is also a balance between Law and Chaos."
"Like the alignments in Dungeons and Dragons."
"Ok, if you say so," she said pushing on. "Haven't you noticed the rash of shooting? The laws getting stricter? Those are in response to those two. Good and Evil is one thing. Its either good or bad. But with those tow; stronger laws tend to be the result of chaos; whether good or bad. While humans have the choice between Good or Evil, those two..."
"Don't play by the rules! Ironic I know." The Padre said coming over to join us.
"Well why don't you do something?"
Looking exasperated the Padre continued, "Because we really aren't suppose to. Back to the whole 'freedom of choice'," he did air quotes with his fingers.
"Then what are you two...?"
Eve took my hand and I could feel...everything in my body. Like electricity was going through my veins instead of blood. "You could say there were 'covert op' teams on each side also. We don't play well with each other as usually we are going against the other. And also it seems usually Evil has done something to try and get the upper hand..."
"Hey!" From the Padre but then he shrugged. He knew she was right.
"You see Chaos and Law can manifest themselves as Good and Evil also. Like Hitler in World War 2. Yes, he was Evil, but he was inflicted with Chaos making him more deadly and unstable. He was finally stopped."
Clearing his throat the Padre added, "And lets not forget the Salem Witch Trials. Ostensibly they were for 'Good' but Law took them beyond."
"Ok, I get while you two are talking but what am I doing here?"
The Padre looked at Eve and she continued, "You are a balance; not just between Good and Evil but also between Law and Chaos. You are all and nothing."
"So?"
Sighing, "So, you are going to help the world regain it's balance."
That's basically the dream. I did take some creative license as doing the whole Priest is good, beautiful woman bad... but wanted to get the point across about Chaos and Law.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
The Farm and a B-52
I was watching an old movie called "Bombers B-52". Classic cold war film, but good shots of the plane. This got me thinking back to the farm. I know; what, not Kemper? Nope. The farm was located in central Missouri and close enough to see commercial jets constantly flying over head. Thats one of the reasons I love watching planes and their contrails. My dad would always look also. It was the modern way of guessing 'where a train was heading' game. I know my father would have loved to travel more, but he didn't like planes. A bad experience with a bi-plane/barnstormer in the 30's pretty much set him against air travel, no matter how safe they were.
But back to B-52s. Since SAC HQ was in Omaha, and Omaha was north of us, I saw many jets heading back and forth from there to probably Whiteman AFB. One time I remember seeing this B-52 do a lazy turn over the farm. He had to have been low and slow as when he turned, I could see the whole wing; from tip to tip. He just did this, what I consider lazy turn and then leveled and flew on. I wish I had a camera to take a picture. But I have that picture in my mind.
But back to B-52s. Since SAC HQ was in Omaha, and Omaha was north of us, I saw many jets heading back and forth from there to probably Whiteman AFB. One time I remember seeing this B-52 do a lazy turn over the farm. He had to have been low and slow as when he turned, I could see the whole wing; from tip to tip. He just did this, what I consider lazy turn and then leveled and flew on. I wish I had a camera to take a picture. But I have that picture in my mind.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
The Magician and Cars
Watched the pilot to "The Magician" staring Bill Bixby. I loved that show in the 70s. A magician that helped people. He flew around in his own jet and drove a white Corvette. My doctor in Glasgow had one of those, and I thought and still think they are the coolest car ever.
Thoughts like this creep up on me and I want to try and make a point of writing them down. They are part of who I am and why I am. The better to know me.
My first and favorite car was a 1979 Buick Skyhawk with a Road Hawk package. It had a front and rear spoilers, was a hatchback and had a small sunroof. They came with an AM/FM 8-track player - which I did remove and put in a cassette deck. I remember my friend from Kemper, Bruce Temple putting in better speakers in my car doors. In those days it wasn't that complicated; but I remember him taking a knife and cutting a hole in my door. I thought, "My God, I just let him cut a hole in my car door. I hope he knows what hes doing." He did.
I remember looking at the car with my dad and him asking if I was sure I wanted it. He then said something I didn't understand at the time.
"But its got bucket seats."
"So?"
He just said ok, and got it for me. I added a CB radio (those were the craze in those days). I didn't understand what he meant until I tried to crawl into the back seat with my first girlfriend Debbie, a couple of years later. Then I understood. But since it was a hatchback, I just folded the seat down and there was plenty of room to snuggle. I remember parking on a dirt road in Boonville by a lake to listen to music and make out. That road is now paved and the area is built up; though the lake remains. I can't help but smile and remember.
Dam I miss that car.
Thoughts like this creep up on me and I want to try and make a point of writing them down. They are part of who I am and why I am. The better to know me.
My first and favorite car was a 1979 Buick Skyhawk with a Road Hawk package. It had a front and rear spoilers, was a hatchback and had a small sunroof. They came with an AM/FM 8-track player - which I did remove and put in a cassette deck. I remember my friend from Kemper, Bruce Temple putting in better speakers in my car doors. In those days it wasn't that complicated; but I remember him taking a knife and cutting a hole in my door. I thought, "My God, I just let him cut a hole in my car door. I hope he knows what hes doing." He did.
I remember looking at the car with my dad and him asking if I was sure I wanted it. He then said something I didn't understand at the time.
"But its got bucket seats."
"So?"
He just said ok, and got it for me. I added a CB radio (those were the craze in those days). I didn't understand what he meant until I tried to crawl into the back seat with my first girlfriend Debbie, a couple of years later. Then I understood. But since it was a hatchback, I just folded the seat down and there was plenty of room to snuggle. I remember parking on a dirt road in Boonville by a lake to listen to music and make out. That road is now paved and the area is built up; though the lake remains. I can't help but smile and remember.
Dam I miss that car.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
50 Years of Life; 15 Years of Living
A new year. And I will be turning a milestone age. Yes, I do know age is all a state of mind. And with that state of mind, in mind, I thought and hope to write more about me. What has shaped me to be the who I am now. It will probably be a lot of memories, because isn't that what we are? A collection of memories?
Where to begin? They say 'at the beginning ' But in this case I don't think so. As I have found out, there are no absolutes in life. I thought and had an absolute belief that I would living be on the farm. Wrong. I thought and had absolute belief that Kemper would always be there. Wrong. I thought and had an absolute belief in both of my marriages. Wrong and wrong. So far the only absolute belief I have is in my friends and in myself.
There are degrees of friends. But the ones I am referring too are those in the Kemper category. Either I attended Kemper with them, or they have been put there by me to indicate a very special status. So far, so good and I don't want to jinx myself.
At this time I am between work. My job went away at the end of 2012. Through no fault of my own nor really the company; as they had told me it was for a limited time. I just thought I had more time. I have been looking for work, and I had some interviews and calls. But so far, nothing at this time.
I choose the title for this piece and for this year "50 Years of Life; 15 Years of Living" as I can say I really started living when the shit hit the fan with my first marriage, all the crap my neighbors and my cousin put me through and the wedge they put between my mother and I. I had a sweet life before that, but I don't know if i would say I was really living. I think; no, I KNOW I am in a better place; financially I suck though. But everything that has happened to me, I firmly believe, has happened for a reason.
I have prayed and forgiven my mother; as I know, as do many people, that those last months of her life, it wasn't her and that she was preyed upon by outside influences. I have forgiven the neighbors and my cousin for what, in my opinion, were acts of greed, born out of the desire for money and my family farm. I have prayed and forgiven my ex-wives for those things in our marriage that I had no control over and also ask her forgiveness as it was not one person or even just both of us. There were outside factors acting upon us also. This truly was a cluster fuck, a SNAFU, an unfortunate turn of events. But what it did was to make me see that while I was alive, I wasn't really living. I was a good person, but there was so much more I could have and should have been doing. As George would tell me when I would lament about not going into the Army, "Quit crying over what you could have done." And the old adage of not appreciation something until after its gone could and should be carved on my headstone; if I was going to have a headstone. I was, in those days; but now I want to donate whatever they can use to organ donors and then after my funeral, cremate me and spread my ashes at certain locations. I had always thought that I would like something to outlive me; a medal, an offspring...I don't know why that was important to me, the foolish ideas of youth I suppose. Now, older, maybe some wiser, I realize that by being an organ donor I will succeed in that if I can help someone. And no, this in no way suggests that I am wanting to or going to die in the near future as far as I can tell. I finally understand some things and hope I can put what I have learned into practice before trundling off this mortal plain.
I am doing things for myself. Some would say that's selfish. But what I mean I am doing is things that are for me, and not for anyone or anything else. My 2 examples; I was baptized again in October. I was baptized in Glasgow in my way younger days and I have always said that I'm not born again, as they got it right the first time. I still believe that as I never lost my faith, even after everything that has happened to me. I did it now because it was my choice. Or maybe it was like a booster shot, or throwing my soul in the washing machine and getting all the grime and sins off me so I can try and do a better job. When I did this at the Methodist church up here in Leavenworth, I had my bible from that time with me. I didn't do it during a service, even though the preacher asked if I wanted to. No, this was for me. Not anyone else.
The second thing was when I joined Gold's Gym. I was way heavier than I had ever been. and when I got winded going from my car to my desk... I knew something had to give. I stopped drinking Mountain Dews and started hitting the gym hard. I drink Diet Coke, water, ice tea with Splenda. Dropped 13 pounds in 2 months. As I told the guys there; I am here to loose weight, not pick up chicks. Don't get me wrong, they are nice to look at, but that's not why I am there. I consider them like paintings hanging in a gallery; nice to look at but that's it. I am doing that, going to the gym, for me. Not anyone else. I want to be healthier, get into some shape. For me. I look younger than I am, and want to always be able to fool people and look better than my friends of the same age! :)
I hope to be able to post something every day. I had wanted to write this in a real journal in my own hand, but money for now has to be rationed until I find work. Maybe I can buy and write in a journal starting on my birthday. Maybe have some of the same things or maybe have the journal just for my deep thoughts, or where I can beat up on someone in private without having to worry about being sued.
"And when you stand on that last great day, before the eternal judge, may you hear from His lips the approving sentence: Well done, good and faithful servant. Enter into the joy of the Lord."
Where to begin? They say 'at the beginning ' But in this case I don't think so. As I have found out, there are no absolutes in life. I thought and had an absolute belief that I would living be on the farm. Wrong. I thought and had absolute belief that Kemper would always be there. Wrong. I thought and had an absolute belief in both of my marriages. Wrong and wrong. So far the only absolute belief I have is in my friends and in myself.
There are degrees of friends. But the ones I am referring too are those in the Kemper category. Either I attended Kemper with them, or they have been put there by me to indicate a very special status. So far, so good and I don't want to jinx myself.
At this time I am between work. My job went away at the end of 2012. Through no fault of my own nor really the company; as they had told me it was for a limited time. I just thought I had more time. I have been looking for work, and I had some interviews and calls. But so far, nothing at this time.
I choose the title for this piece and for this year "50 Years of Life; 15 Years of Living" as I can say I really started living when the shit hit the fan with my first marriage, all the crap my neighbors and my cousin put me through and the wedge they put between my mother and I. I had a sweet life before that, but I don't know if i would say I was really living. I think; no, I KNOW I am in a better place; financially I suck though. But everything that has happened to me, I firmly believe, has happened for a reason.
I have prayed and forgiven my mother; as I know, as do many people, that those last months of her life, it wasn't her and that she was preyed upon by outside influences. I have forgiven the neighbors and my cousin for what, in my opinion, were acts of greed, born out of the desire for money and my family farm. I have prayed and forgiven my ex-wives for those things in our marriage that I had no control over and also ask her forgiveness as it was not one person or even just both of us. There were outside factors acting upon us also. This truly was a cluster fuck, a SNAFU, an unfortunate turn of events. But what it did was to make me see that while I was alive, I wasn't really living. I was a good person, but there was so much more I could have and should have been doing. As George would tell me when I would lament about not going into the Army, "Quit crying over what you could have done." And the old adage of not appreciation something until after its gone could and should be carved on my headstone; if I was going to have a headstone. I was, in those days; but now I want to donate whatever they can use to organ donors and then after my funeral, cremate me and spread my ashes at certain locations. I had always thought that I would like something to outlive me; a medal, an offspring...I don't know why that was important to me, the foolish ideas of youth I suppose. Now, older, maybe some wiser, I realize that by being an organ donor I will succeed in that if I can help someone. And no, this in no way suggests that I am wanting to or going to die in the near future as far as I can tell. I finally understand some things and hope I can put what I have learned into practice before trundling off this mortal plain.
I am doing things for myself. Some would say that's selfish. But what I mean I am doing is things that are for me, and not for anyone or anything else. My 2 examples; I was baptized again in October. I was baptized in Glasgow in my way younger days and I have always said that I'm not born again, as they got it right the first time. I still believe that as I never lost my faith, even after everything that has happened to me. I did it now because it was my choice. Or maybe it was like a booster shot, or throwing my soul in the washing machine and getting all the grime and sins off me so I can try and do a better job. When I did this at the Methodist church up here in Leavenworth, I had my bible from that time with me. I didn't do it during a service, even though the preacher asked if I wanted to. No, this was for me. Not anyone else.
The second thing was when I joined Gold's Gym. I was way heavier than I had ever been. and when I got winded going from my car to my desk... I knew something had to give. I stopped drinking Mountain Dews and started hitting the gym hard. I drink Diet Coke, water, ice tea with Splenda. Dropped 13 pounds in 2 months. As I told the guys there; I am here to loose weight, not pick up chicks. Don't get me wrong, they are nice to look at, but that's not why I am there. I consider them like paintings hanging in a gallery; nice to look at but that's it. I am doing that, going to the gym, for me. Not anyone else. I want to be healthier, get into some shape. For me. I look younger than I am, and want to always be able to fool people and look better than my friends of the same age! :)
I hope to be able to post something every day. I had wanted to write this in a real journal in my own hand, but money for now has to be rationed until I find work. Maybe I can buy and write in a journal starting on my birthday. Maybe have some of the same things or maybe have the journal just for my deep thoughts, or where I can beat up on someone in private without having to worry about being sued.
"And when you stand on that last great day, before the eternal judge, may you hear from His lips the approving sentence: Well done, good and faithful servant. Enter into the joy of the Lord."
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
I thought I would write more this year. WRONG! Ah well, maybe next year. Lets see... I don't have the same job I did when I came to Overland Park, and yet I am still at the same desk, doing something similar. The truck is gone; with gas prices and it was starting to show its age. I mean it was 24 years old. Bitter sweet. but my little Kia gets better gas mileage, has a working AC and Heater and I don't have to climb in through the passenger side to get in. We shall see how she is in the snow. And though small, surprising a lot of head room and elbow room for us big guys.
I started back to the gym. And I have been doing very well, until I got sick yesterday; so haven't been in since Friday and not going to make it in today. So tomorrow. Also been watching what I eat and drink. No more Mountain Dew for a while. I might have one on the weekends, but now its Diet Coke, water, ice tea with Equal.
I am starting to feel better (sick not withstanding). Lets see, what else? Not much else at this time. Oh wait a minute. I went to the KC Mystery Train murder dinner last week. Nice meal and an ok murder mystery. For some reason I was tasked as one of the 4 actors from the audience. You get a script and some props. At the end you have to guess who did, how, why, etc. Well I didn't get all the right answers, but I won, Best Actor! Got my own Academy Award too! After the dinner, some of the customers thought I was a plant. I guess all my role playing comes in handy for on the spot acting, huh?
Well that's all for now.
numquam non-paratus
I started back to the gym. And I have been doing very well, until I got sick yesterday; so haven't been in since Friday and not going to make it in today. So tomorrow. Also been watching what I eat and drink. No more Mountain Dew for a while. I might have one on the weekends, but now its Diet Coke, water, ice tea with Equal.
I am starting to feel better (sick not withstanding). Lets see, what else? Not much else at this time. Oh wait a minute. I went to the KC Mystery Train murder dinner last week. Nice meal and an ok murder mystery. For some reason I was tasked as one of the 4 actors from the audience. You get a script and some props. At the end you have to guess who did, how, why, etc. Well I didn't get all the right answers, but I won, Best Actor! Got my own Academy Award too! After the dinner, some of the customers thought I was a plant. I guess all my role playing comes in handy for on the spot acting, huh?
Well that's all for now.
numquam non-paratus
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