Ok, this is not something I would not normally watch, as I can figure out the plot real easily. But, like any movie its always interesting to see how they get there and what the message is going to be. And I must say I have always liked Cameron Diaz since I saw her in The Mask. And Ashton Kutcher has come a long ways since Thats 70s Show. And of course there is Vegas! Love that place. It wasn't a bad movie.
But there was something in the movie that I had to think about; it talked about the last time being happy. And in the movie Cameron was very specific. I could say Kemper or 14 years ago; and while true is vague. I'm not sure. I mean I have had good times and things, but they were taking about a state of being and mind. One thing I know that I swore I would never do was be nervous-like my dad was later in his life. I never understood then; but I do now.
Another thing that I have learned is that I wish I was part of something. Ok, let me explain that-at Kemper, in the military, you are part of something. The closest thing I am part of is Starfleet. And it is taking it tolls. People are moving on, as it should. They get married, kids, career... so its not like the way it was. There are only a few of us left that are still like we were. And after us there ain't any more. We are truly a dying breed. Dinosaur.
I need to be a part of something, people I respect, and to have their respect. Its not something that can be handed to you. You don't earn that which can easily be just given away. It took me 6 years to get some people's respects and its been taking me the rest of my life to make sure that they know, that respect was not misplaced. How I feel, how to feel like it was...to feel safe? I have learned that safe is boring and stagnant. A combination of what Titus said and how the US was before WWII. For when the shit hits the fan, you aren't prepared. You freak. I freaked for a while after all the crap that happened. I wasn't truly prepared. But I learned. Now I am better prepared for almost anything. The family battle. Kemper shutting down. Twice divorced. Doing a lot of things that I never thought I would. Doing things that I didn't know I could do. And for being 47 now; I think I have surprised some people. But surprise is not respect.
What to do what to do? Well I do what everyone does-I breath in, I breath out. I get up to go to work. I do what I can. And that last time I felt safe and free and all that stuff? I can't remember. But I work for that everyday.
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