Day 31

Its amazing what you remember at times. For some reason a flash of light or sound or smell will call forth a memory.

Maybe it is all the "Chicken Soup for the Soul" books I have been reading, but that's the kind I would like to do, but from the time I was at Kemper. I think Hank would have a good section in there; as I said, we weren't the nicest at time. But you know, that's ok. Why? Because as I look back at it, it was like a family. As I have always said, we were family. In other words, WE, in his company could pick on our own, but NO ONE outside could. And no one could mess with one cadet from the outside without messing with us all. We went beyond friendship. We were family.

And like the stories in those books, I saw kids that were basically abandoned there. And then we took them in and it was ok. We became the family. I will give examples at another time.

Here are a few quotes I found;

"A true man does not need to romance a different girl every night; a true man romances the same girl for the rest of her life." -Ana Alas.


“Physical chemistry generates desire. Emotional chemistry generates affection. Mental chemistry creates interest. Spiritual chemistry creates love. A soul mate has all four.”


“Seduction begins in the mind. Romance stems from the soul. Lust, from every confine of our mortal coil. Only Love has no creation...it has always been. It asks only to be found.”

George

You know how you have an Angel and Devil on your shoulders? Well imagine that in human form and that's George. He could make you believe night was day, when you were standing in sunshine, and it made no difference how long it took, he would still debate ya, til you finally wore out. He was also my "keep up with the Jones" friend. At Kemper, we were side by side in many things. I won't say neck and neck, as that implies that it was a race. I can't say it was a race, as that's comparing apples to oranges. George, in some ways was so far ahead of me, I thought I was ahead. At other times, I was ahead of him, but could see how close behind me he was. Trust me, those were few and far between.

And George was the con man that Harry Anderson was also. I have always wondered if they were related somehow. Anyway, he has also been another very loyal friend & companion. I could almost take a spinning back kick to him (and miss) because he had said something when I was on my last nerve. I say "almost" because I missed, but he will tell you he felt the breeze as he pulled back. And because I missed I ended up falling on my ass and then he jumped on top of me to clam me down.

He also was tall enough to almost hit his head in my car when we jumped the hills on hwy 87. As he said, had I not had the sun roof up, he would have.

And he was there at my mother's grave as a friend, companion and if need be, back up.

George is another friend I could always go to. He could go from silly to serious in 0.1 seconds flat. And his advice would come very soon after that, and it was usually (99 out 100 right George) be good, solid stuff. He always said that he could find that 1 time out of a 100 that the answer went the way he wanted it, and that's the side he could argue with.

His mom & dad and sisters are also some of the nicest, bestest people I know, and if there was a natural born musician, it is George. Another professional if I ever knew it.

Him and Bunch were the best of friends, and I was in there also, but he and Bunch had a that special relationship. No, not that kind. But the type where it is one special friend that you hang with, do things with and get in trouble with. I could do that with George, but on a different level.

As I have always said about George, I trust him with my life or anyone and anything that is very important to me. But if he said, "Here, try this." I wouldn't. I had mentioned this to him once, and he laughed, 'unless I said, no really.' I laughed harder, "ESPECIALLY if you said that, would I not do it."

I think the reason that George, Bunch and I were as close as we were as we were all of the same age, similar backgrounds, great parents and first musical chairs. I know I got that chair by default. When you are the only tuba, that's kinda of a gimme. But for those other two, it was also a no brainer. They were head and shoulders above the rest. As I said about Bunch, he went to band camps and was a professional and took it seriously. George came from a musical family and I don't think that not doing his best ever cam into the picture. He knew what had to be done and did it.

So here's to you George; or 'Lucifer.' One last thing about that. George always thought he got the worst in his platoon and I got the best; so he called me "St. Pete" and he was "Lucifer." While I disagree about who we got, the names stuck, but only between us. They never really caught on. But if I want to identify myself or hiself, he knows what I mean. That's a small thing, but I think a big thing in a friendship, that you have certain in jokes with your friends.

Thank you also just doesn't seem to be enough.

Day 30 - Track 8 Feed Jake

I heard this song, and saw the video and immediately thought of Fireball, my old dalmation, when I was young and on the farm. I could do and did do most things with him, to him, for him, etc. Good and bad, and yet he always came back for more. As I grew older, I wasn't as rough, as he was getting older. And as I mentioned in an earlier post, the cats loved him. I do remember when we had to put him down; he couldn't stand and was panting all the time, poor thing. As I have said, no farmer or hunter I have ever known wants to see any animal in pain.

All I can say is that I hope when it is my time to trundle off this mortal coil, that he will be there with Queen Bee, the cat that ruled the rest of teh cats during those days. But Fireball wasn't just my dog, he was also my fathers and mothers. But I know he liked me and Dad best, as I was always out and about doing something, and him beisde me, or my Dad, who took him and Little Fella, a small dog somoene dropped off on us later, for rides in the old green Nova or the farm truck. Even when dad had that wreck and over turned the truck, Fireball and Little Fella were there with him. No one was hurt, but Dad always said that both dogs tried to get in his lap as they were rolling.

And since the video had a nice story about two friends and their dog, and since this is my funeral, I thought it was appropriate.


Feed Jake by The Pirates of the Mississippi

I'm standing at the crossroads in life...
And I don't know which way to go...
You know you've got my heart, babe...
But my music's got my soul...
Let me play it one more time...
I'll tell the truth and make it rhyme...
And hope they understand me...
Now I lay me down to sleep...
I pray the Lord my soul to keep...

If I die before I wake...
feed Jake...
He's been a good dog...
My best friend right through it all...
If I die before I wake...
feed Jake...

Now Broadway's like a sewer...
Bums and hookers everywhere...
Wino passed out on the sidewalk...
Doesn't anybody care? Some say he's worthless, just let him be...
I for one would have to disagree...
And so would their mommas...

Now I lay me down to sleep...
I pray the Lord my soul to keep...
And if I die before I wake...
feed Jake...
He's been a good dog...
My best friend right through it all...
If I die before I wake...
feed Jake...

Now, if you get an ear pierced...
Some will call you gay...
But if you drive a pickup...
They say, no, you must be straight...
What we are and what we ain't...
What we can and what we can't...
Doesn't really matter...

Now I lay me down to sleep...
I pray the Lord my soul to keep...
And if I die before I wake...
feed Jake...
He's been a good dog...
My best friend right through it all...I
f I die before I wake...
feed Jake...
If I die before I wake...
feed Jake...
If I die before I wake...
feed Jake...

Dr. Evil

The details of my life are quite inconsequential...very well, where do I begin?
My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius posses and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When i was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds-pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shaved scrotum...it's breathtaking-I highly suggest you try it.

Love that part... and Carrie Fisher in it... great!

Track 7

After going to Chief's funeral, I am glad that I am doing this. At his, they had a slide show of pictures and displays of pictures of his life. Trust me, it was not enough to begin to even show what this man did. Since I have always tried to stay behind the camera, I don't think that will be much an option; along with everything else. At one time, maybe-not now. Anyway, this music would be good. And for my number seven selection is this from Confederate Railroad. Their music maybe thought of as country but I consider it country rock. Don't get me wrong; I love it. Just not true country. Not to say that they don't touch you, as this one did. Never could get the hang of playing guitar, wish I had. There is a part in there about always wanting to make one last journey home, and I understand that. Just not sure which "home"; Glasgow or Kemper. And the music, Walk in the Garden and Old Rugged Cross, those are nice traditional ones also, I wouldn't mind. As much as I would say 'Dixie' I can't. I maybe a rebel, but The only thing that will make me rise up out of a grave and haunt people is "Amazing Grace" on the bagpipes. Yeah I know they did it in Star Trek, but I don't want it! I love Amazing Grace, and want the one I played on for the record to play if nothing else. Amazing Grace/Aloha Oi combo would be great.


He had a Martin
I had a Fender
We were thirteen years of age
Out back in the tool shed
We were searching for a sound
Every day all through the summer
We'd rock 'n roll 'n rage
All the neighbors kept complaining
But it never slowed us down

We sang three verses of Dixie
Can't Get No Satisfaction
Rainy Day Women # 12 & 35
Try A Little Tenderness
A Whiter Shade Of Pale
Turn! Turn! Turn!
For What It's Worth
And Long Black Veil

We moved out to California
Shooting for the stars
The biggest thing since Elvis
Nothing could go wrong
But they took us for all our money
And everything else we owned
So we got ourselves some whiskey
And we drank it all night long

We sang three verses of Dixie
Can't Get No Satisfaction
Rainy Day Women
And A Bad Moon On The Rise
Try A Little Tenderness
A Whiter Shade Of Pale
Turn! Turn! Turn!
For What It's Worth
And Long Black Veil

Oh he never quite got over it
And we went our separate ways
He traded in his music
For cocaine nights and reckless days
Still I knew he always wanted
To make one last journey home
Near a small white church in the valley
Beneath a wooden bridge
Patiently we waited on the cold Alabama ground
And the preacher he started preaching
About our life and about out times
The sun was slowly sinking
As we laid his body down
And we sang three verses of Dixie
What A Friend We Have In Jesus
Walk In The Garden
And The Old Rugged Cross
Try A Little Tenderness
A Whiter Shade Of Pale
Turn! Turn! Turn!
For What It's Worth
And Long Black Veil

Can You Picture That?

Who doesn't love the Muppet's? To me, Kermit was the 'everyman' or every frog. And all he knew was right and wrong. You did what was right. Very simple, and yet he always had a rough time. Like Piggy and Fozzie were the angels on his shoulder; Piggy to come with her and Fozzie of course telling his bad jokes and explaining things that Kermit transposed to see that he was making sense just taking a long about way to get there.

The Muppet Movie. Another time. Loved The Band... and so many other memorable characters. Jim Henson truly was a visionary. I wish him well and God speed.

Can You Picture That?

Anybody's lover,
Everybody's brother
I wanna be your lifetime friend.

Crazy as a rocket,
Nothing in my pocket,
I keep it at the rainbow's end.

Never think of money,
I think of milk and honey,
Grinnin' like a Cheshire Cat.

I focus on the pleasure,
It's something I can treasure,
Can you picture that?

Let me take your picture,
Add it to the mixture,
There it is I got ya now.

Really nothing to it,
And anyone can do it,
Its easy and we all know how.

Now begins the changin',
Mental rearrangin',
Nothing's really where its at.

Now the Eiffel Tower's
Holding up a flower,
I gave it to a Texas Cat

Fact is there's nothing out there you can do,
Yeah, even Santa Claus believes in you,
Break down your walls,
Begin, believe, begat

Be a better drummer
Be an up-and-comer
Can you picture that?

Can You Picture That?!

All of us are winnin'
Pickin' and a-grinnin'
Lordy how I love to jam.

Jelly belly giggling
Dancing and a wiggling
Honey that's the way I am.

Lost my heart in Texas,
Northern Lights affects us,
I keep it underneath my hat

Aurora Borealis,
Shinin' down on Dallas,
Can you picture that?
Can you picture that?

Use it if you need it,
But don't forget to feed it,
Can you picture it?

The Last Lecture

I have been blessed through my life for many things and many people. And I am a firm believer in balance, everything happens for a reason and karma, luck or whatever you want to call it. How you look at it and how you handle it are just as important. You get divorced, you loose money, you loose love...ok. So what do you have? Your health? Maybe you are not in that great of a shape. One thing you can never loose is faith. Oh you can have a crisis of Faith. Who hasn't at one time or another? You think, Why God? Why? Guess what? Climb down off the cross, build a bridge and get over it! (I love that line!!!)

Never explain. Your friends won't need it and your enemies won't believe you anyway.

In other words, lock up tight and DRIVE ON! A friend here at work and some others are amazed at my attitude; because of everything that has happened to me.

I don't even know why. I just do what has to be done. There was a period that I was depressed. Did I think about taking a long walk off a short pier? Yep? Did I ever do it? Nope. I forget what book, movie or TV Show I say this on; but an alien telepath made the comment to someone about "living in the past" meaning he 'lived' his son committing suicide. That memory was always with him. I don't think I ever lived in a place like that, but we all visit those places. How we handle the things that life throws at us are important. And because of the things that have happened to me I have learned a lot. I am in a better place spiritually and emotionally I think. Financially though, I suck. But that's the trade off. Or as I like to say, payment for what I had. The bill has come due. Financially of course. But also emotionally and a few other 'ly' 's
I love books; I am a bibliophile. I can pick out a few that are my favorite. Ones that I go back and read time and time again, or just parts of. I have a hierarchy of them also. Some books I read all the way through once. Then there are those you have by your bed that you pick up and read a part here and there, or the whole thing because its an easy read. Like the Bible. Yeah, I am comparing some books to the Bible for this reason: if you can take some thing from a book and it stays with you and hopefully helps you and comforts you-that's what the Bible does. I have the Bible by my bed too. It is the first book. Yes, I believe what was written. Yes, I know it was written by humans, and that humans are flawed. No, I do not believe them to be fables or similes or anything but the truth. I do that because I believe. I have faith. I also have a couple of other books there too. And I think I just found another.

A friend here at work has been lunching with me and we have been talking and he even suggested, and I am applying to be, a volunteer firefighter, but he asked if I had read the book, "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch. I had seen his video on line and even watched him on Oprah. It is amazing. Also sad and warm felt at the same time. He loaned me the book and said if I thought it was good, then he would read it.

In the book is stuff that I always knew and always "preached" to everyone, about going for your dreams. It follows his lecture pretty good, but when I got to the place about Captain Kirk in the book and the No Win Scenario, I had to made a copy of it. It is amazing! I had just said that a few days ago, about not believing in the NWS and how Kirk was leader. As always, when I read something that goes along 99.9% with my thinking, I knew this man. At least THIS part of him.
It also reinforced things about myself that I have crisis in. Decisions and things where I am the hardest on; more than anyone else.

With the passing of Chief and I know that Randy Pausch also passed-I can only hope that they are together somewhere, along with others that have gone before; and are swapping stories and watching us. I hope his widow and kids know that their man will 'live' a long time. As print is a medium that will never die. And neither the lessons he gave us in his Last Lecture.

Day 29 - Track 6

When you talk on-line, usually you get the question about, "Whats your favorite all time movie?" I always have a hard time as I love so many movies. Especially John Wayne movies. But... the one that eeks out the top of all, is one that some from Kemper think as the all time best: Kelly's Heros. I remember watching that movie at least ONCE a semester at Kemper. Sometimes 2 and 3 times when it was shown. This was before VHS, so when I say 'movie' I mean MOVIE. With a projector and everything. I was lucky enough that I actually saw movie catalogs which listed all the movies they had to offer to rent. I remember either lying on the floor or on the seats (they were 3 to a set) and watching the movie. In fact, the first movie I bought on DVDs was Kelly's Heros. I know the words to all of it. And the theme song, "Burning Bridges" comes in as number 6 on my Funeral play list.

Friends all tried to warn me
But I held my head up high
All the time they warned me
But I only passed them by
They all tried to tell me
But I guess I didn't care
I turned my back and Left them standing there

All the burning bridges that have fallen after me
All the lonely feelings and the burning memories
Everyone I left behind each time I closed the door
Burning bridges lost forevermore

Joey tried to help me find a job A while ago
When I finally got it I didn't want to go
The party Mary gave for me
When I just walked away
Now there's nothing left for me to say

All the burning bridges that have fallen after me
All the lonely feelings and the burning memories
Everyone I left behind each time I closed the door
Burning bridges lost forevermore

Years have passed and I keep thinking What a fool I've been
I look back into the past and Think of way back then
I know that I lost everything I thought I that could win
I guess I should have listened to my friends

All the burning bridges that have fallen after me
All the lonely feelings and the burning memories
Everyone I left behind each time I closed the door
Burning bridges lost forevermore
Burning bridges lost forevermore

Love this song and I had tape recorded the song from the end track of the movie before mp3 and all the net stuff. This is from another time. The movie was great. Funny and sad at the same time. And the little guy does win.

Day 28 - PYSIH & The Fat Tax

"You know, a long time ago being crazy meant something. Nowadays everybody's crazy." Charles Manson.

This quote is from a web site that I visit very regularly so I can make sure I am still a human being. Or more to the point, a caring and compassionate human being. This site is not for the faint of heart and I will admit the stories I read on there take me from compassion to being enraged/pissed off that I have to go and look at a kitten page to calm down. And I really wish I was kidding.

What this site does, is ask if the people in these news stories; many with the standard mug shots, usually along with a picture of their victims, who, also more often than not are children (not necessary even out of the single digit age range) and also more often than not ARE THEIR OWN KIDS, should go to Hell for being killed by these scum of the earth people. Not all are murders, but the crimes are equally heinous, and I think out of all the votes I have cast, I have only sent one a, "not got to Hell," and only a very few I abstained on as the story was ongoing and had no real conclusion or all the facts. But most are retelling from court transcripts or from someone doing research on line.

It truly amazes me that these people, and I do use that term loosely, should be walking around. And I don't want to hear I don't know about what they went through; from mothers with supposed "post partum depression" to fathers who are alcohol or drug abusers, or for the sex perverts. Let me tell you what, I have never had kids, either through birthing them or fathering and I have never done ANY illegal drugs. But what I have is a soul, love and a conscious. And while I no longer have the amount of money that I did have in my hey day, there is no way I would ever do some of the things these people are accused or convicted of doing to a child, let a lone MY OWN FLESH AND BLOOD. What, all these people are temporary insane? They weren't in their right minds? Ok, lets say that I buy that. then they should never walk free again as a) they may have a relapse and freak out again. People accuse military vets of that all the time, from post traumatic stress. And yet, none of the pst that I know of have resulted in a child having done to them some of the things.... I can't even say what.

And b) they should be sterilized. Not just spade and neutered...oops I'm sorry did I say that? That was wrong of me, to compare them to animals. It gives the animal a bad light. But this way they can never again even have the possibility of raising or having anything to do with raising kids. I think they should be registered as sex offenders, but make them child abuse offenders and have the same restrictions. No where near schools or playgrounds-and God forbid any relative ever asks them to baby sit.

Segue:
You know its funny: growing up I was accused of not having patience. Now a days people say I am one of the most patience people around. Maybe I got it out of my system, or maybe as I got older I truly appreciate life and what its all about. And reading all those Chicken Soup for The Soul books have also helped.

New Topic:
Now, the next thing I want to talk about is something I read that might be starting in New York; a fat tax? Something about taxing sugar drinks; i.e. soda. Because people are accusing fast food restaurants of serving fat food & drink. This proves we, as a society need someone to blame. It's not my fault I'm fat its McDonald's. Oh yeah, like McD's snuck into your house and tied you down and made you eat that Big Mac or Whopper and made you drink that 6 pack of Coke. Hey, I'm a big guy, and I know it. I know why I am, how I got here, and that I am trying to work on it. Maybe not as fast or strenuous as I should be, but I have cut out soda for a year, and so far, 28 days and counting. I am drinking more water. I bicycle everyday (yes even in the cold weather, I have long johns and my rabbit/Russian hat).More coffee (maybe good/maybe bad there) but have I stopped eating at McD's? No. Do I want them to change the fat food or how they fry their french fries? If it makes the food taste differently or more expensive, then NO.

Ok, I know we tend to be a 'skinny' society. I look at skinny girls, but I also look at pretty girls in general. And I have seen some beautiful, bigger women. I also judge a person by what their personality is. If I can't have a conversation with them, forget it. I don't care what they look like. As a photographer, i know how I can make a picture look "just right" even though it maybe different than the original. And besides, bigger women like to enjoy good meals also, as do I.

Yes, I know, more weight puts a stress on your heart, diabetes, etc. Am I advocating everyone just be big. Hell no. Especially is there is a health issue. But, does it mean all big people are not healthy? In my opinion, no. No matter what I am going to be a big guy. I was raised on a farm, did farm stuff that made me bigger and I had a big appetite, and my mom was a great cook who canned and froze things, and at Thanksgiving we had two types of meat, mash potatoes and gravy and stuffing and two pies.... and we were eating left overs until the New Year and I loved it!

Its funny, and I am surprised this hasn't happen, but think about this: if the big people have the money to eat as much as they to do to be big, then give them an airline where they have seats that are made for them, not some bony ass size 0 anorexia model, who thinks she is all that and more. And the same goes for amusement park rides. I may be big around the waist, but I am also tall and have a 52" chest, and those bars do not come down and fit me. I have about a 70% chance of them working. So make some rides with us in mind. Think about it; if a plane has the room for us to sit comfortably for a few hours, it will be a luxury for normal people and practically engulf the skinny people. And it would have to be as safe for the extra weight, so this could incorporate more cargo room maybe. Same for the ride. It would have to be strong enough to take all big people in every seat and then some. And when its not filled with all that extra weight, can you imagine how safe that would be? Just some ideas.

In closing, that web site I was referring to is: http://pysih.com/

After looking at that site for more than a few minutes, when you need something to cleanse your pallet, might I suggest: http://icanhascheezburger.com/ or this one: http://kittenwar.com/

W.o.W. moment: if you play professionally, people will notice and respect you for that.

Day 27 - Let It Snow

Withe the snow coming down, it looks like it should for Christmas. And in that vein, I had been sent something a long time ago, and just recently found it again. The only thing I would change was that there be a fifth gift "Something you made."

So here it is.

Four Gifts!

A number of years ago when my youngest child of six children was10 or 11, I was driving myself crazy trying to buy everything on her very lengthy Christmas list. I wanted to be a good parent and give my child the desires of her heart. In the midst of all of this, a friend told me that he and his wife buy their children four gifts for Christmas every year.

Yes, FOUR gifts!

They are:

1. Something you want

2. Something you need

3. Something to wear and

4. Something to read.

If they complain, ask them, "Whose birthday are we celebrating?"

Once I started doing this, I thought my children would be awful about it, but the opposite happened. They really appreciated every gift they got, and they made me "label" them. Since that time, Christmas at our house has been so much more enjoyable because we could focus on the true meaning of the celebration, and I wasn't driving myself crazy trying to find and buy gifts I couldn't afford. And yes, I still buy and label four gifts for them each year.

Day 26

Just for the record, I had written something yesterday, but had started it on Saturday and saved it here; thus the Saturday time stamp. Dam. Didn't know that. Won't make that mistake again.

Found this or this was sent to me.....

It was a busy morning, approximately 8:30 am, when an elderly gentleman in his 80's, arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He stated that he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am.I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound.On examination, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.While taking care of his wound, we began to engage in conversation. I asked him if he had a doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife.I then inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer Disease. As we talked, and I finished dressing his wound, I asked if she would be worried if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.I was surprised, and asked him. "And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?" He smiled as he patted my hand and said. "She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is."I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, "That is the kind of love I want in my life." True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

Day 25 - The King With Six Friends

This is one of my favorite books. I had lost track of it and then found during a run through of an antique store a while ago. One part of the reason it is my favorite is I remember this book from my childhood, and another was after my ex, (it seems like I have bit of baggage there, but like I also said, working through it) busted my ego down, this story took on a bigger meaning. It reminded me of who I was.

I am in a couple of Star Trek fan club groups, (yeah I am a Trekkie, have a uniform and everything else, get over it) and have been doing that for over 22 years now, I always said about my old crew and the people that I lead, is that they allow me to lead them. We are not in the real military, and yet I have men who have served, and they got the medals to prove it, who allow me to lead them. That means a lot. She didn't understand it, and you may not either, but so be it.

Anyway, here it is: The King With Six Friends by Jay Williams.

There are many nice things about being a king. But there is one very bad thing. That is, that it is very hard to find a job if you are out of work.

All that a king can do is rule. And if you have no kingdom, then you are out of work. That is what happened to young King Zar.

He was a good king, but he was young and without much experience. A bold, strong king with many soldiers attacked his kingdom. When the battle had ended, the strong king had won and young Zar found himself with no country, with no palace or house or hut. The strong king had even taken his crown. Zar had twelve gold pieces, a suit of clothes, and a sword. So he set out to find work.

The road was long and the world was wide. He went to many lands, but no one anted to hire a king without a kingdom. He had never known what it was to be hungry or thirsty or tired before, but now he learned.

Fortunately, as a king, Zar had already learned how to meet happiness or unhappiness with the same cheerful smile.

One day, his road led him through a thick forest. As he walked along thinking of this and that, he heard a small voice crying, "Pull me out! Oh, please pull me out!"

He looked about him. There in a log, an ax was stuck fast. And the small voice seemed to be coming from its blade.

Zar took hold of the handle and with a twist, freed the ax. At once, it turned into a man. he had a sharp face and shining hair the color of steel.

"Many thanks, stranger," he said. "I was cutting wood for a fire when my blade hit a tough knot, and there I stuck."

"But if you can turn yourself into a man, why didn't you do so?" asked Zar. "Then you could have freed yourself."

"Not at all," said the other, "for my nose would have been caught firmly in the log. I am grateful to you. Tell me who you are and where you are going."

Zar told his story.

"You are a king after my own heart," said the other, whose name was Edge. "I will join you and help you seek your fortune."

Off they went together. When nightfall came, Edge turned himself into an ax, cut wood and they had a fine fire at which to eat their bread and cheese.

The next day, as they went along the dusty road, Zar heard a great bellowing. He turned aside to look. There backed up against a rock, stood an elephant. Its trunk was raised in fright. A white-footed mouse scampered in the grass before it.

Zar took pity on the huge beast. he scooped up the mouse in his hat, carried it away, and let it go at a distance. When he returned, the elephant had turned into a large, lumbersome man with thick skin, large ears and little pig-eyes.

"Many thanks, stranger," said the man. "Tiny things like mice give me the shivers. I was paralyzed with fear at the sight of that one."

"But," said Zar, "if you can turn yourself into a man, why didn't you do so? Then you could have chased off the mouse."

"Ah, but when I am a man I am just as frightened of mice as when I am an elephant," replied the man. "Now, tell me who you are, and where you are going."

Zar explained.

"Splendid!" said the man, whose name was Agus. "You're just the fellow for me. I'll go with you and help you find a job."

They went on, all three, and after a bit it began to rain. They took shelter under some trees, and all at once Zar heard a small, crackling voice crying, "Help, help!"

Looking around, he spied a fire burning with much smoke and smolder. The voice came from its center. Zar took off his cloak, and he held one end of it while Agus held the other. They stretched it over the fire and sheltered it from the rain. Soon it had blazed up brightly once more.

When it had done so, it turned into a man with bright red hair and freckles like sparks.

"Many thanks, strangers," he cried, snapping his fingers. "I thought I was done for."

"But if you can turn yourself into a man," said Zar, "why did you not do so? Then you could have take shelter from the rain."

"Ah," said the other, whose name was Kindle, "but the rain came suddenly and weakened me so that I had no strength left. Now tell me who you are, and where you are going."

When he had heard Zar's story, he cried, "Good! I will join you and your companions, for it is sad to travel without friends in the world."

They all four marched on together, and now they never lacked for warmth or a cooking fire.

One evening as they were making their camp, Zar heard a hissing like that of a hundred tea kettles boiling. He went to look, and his friends came with him. They found a huge black serpent with his tail tied into a knot. It writhed helplessly, trying to untangle itself.

Zar stepped forward, although Edge said, "Leave it alone. If you go to close, it may swallow you up or crush you in its coils."

But Zar had a soft heart. He bent over the serpent and with all his strength untied the knot. At once, the serpent turned into a man, slender, and with a dark and shining skin.

"Many thanks, stranger," he said in a soft voice. "I tied that knot in my tail out of pride, to see it it could be done, and then I could not undo it."

But if you can turn yourself into a man," said Zar, "why didn't you do so? Then you could have untied yourself."

"Do you think?" smiled the other, whose name was Eryx. "Can you imagine what it would be like to have your legs tied into a knot? But come, tell me who you are and where you are going."

Zar did so.

"Excellent!" said Eryx. "I have been looking for someone to travel with, for the road has been long and lonely."

Then they all went on together in great friendship.

Before long, they came to the top of a high hill. There, among small trees, stood a taller, mightier one. As they rested beneath it, looking at the valley below, a sighing voice came from the tree. "Alas," it said, "oh glum and woesome woe."

Zar stood close to its bark."Is there someone in trouble?" he asked.

"Look up into my branches," said the voice. "Do you see those nests? There are four of them, and all are filled with baby birds which cry and scream all day and night so that I never get any rest. If only I could be free of them."

Zar climbed the tree. Carefully, he lifted down the four nests. With the help of his companions, he placed the nests in four smaller trees, while the parent birds flew anxiously about to make certain all was well.

When this was done, the tree turned into a dignified-looking man, whose hair and beard were shaggy as moss.

"Many thanks, strangers," he said, in a slow, deep voice. "You cannot know what a relief it is to be rid of those noisy birds."

"But," said Zar, "if you can turn yourself into a man, why didn't you do so? Then you could have disposed of the nests yourself."

"Not so," replied the other, whose name was Furze, "for the instant I became a man, the nests would have fallen and the young birds would have been killed. I am much too kind to let such a thing happen. But tell me who you are and where you are going."

Zar obliged.

"That is good," said Furze. "You seem to me to be a fine sort of man, king or no king. I will go with you and help you find your fortune, for if two heads are better than one, six are better yet."

They all took the road down the hill and into the broad valley. At the edge of a wood they paused, for they heard a loud and angry humming, mixed with snarls.

"It sounds," said Angus, "like trouble. Let us take another road." For in spite of his size, he was rather timid.

But Zar strode forward to see what was happening.

He found that a brown bear was breaking its way into a honey tree. A swarm of bees buzzed about it, but the long think fur of the bear protected it from stings.

Zar drew his sword and ran at the bear. For a moment, it stood up to fight, but when it had been pricked once or twice by the sharp sword it turned tail and shambled away.

At once the swam of bees turned into a small, fat man with a beard the color of honey. Instead of a sting, he wore a long sword at his side.

"Many thanks, stranger," he said. "I feared I was about to lose all the honey I had save for my own dinner."

"But if you can turn yourself into a man," said Zar, "why didn't you do so? Then you could have driven off the bear with your own sword."

The other, whose name was Dumble, scratched his head. He was, in fact, not very bright.

"I never thought of that," he said. "But tell me who your are and where you are going."

When Zar had done so, Dumble said, "Huzzah! I'll go along with you, and when you have found your fortune you can build me a hive where there are no bears."

So away they went, all seven, and now they had plenty of honey to spread on their bread, and the way was made easy with their joking and storytelling.

They came, at length, to a fine city with towers and banners and a beautiful palace, lining the banks of a busy river. They went to an inn and bought wine and bread and cheese, and had their lunch, sitting at a bench in the sun and looking at the river.

Zar said to the pretty girl who served them, "Does this land have a king?"

"Oh yes," she answered, "and he is not a bad one, either. But he is having a certain amount of trouble these days, for he has only one child, a daughter, and he cannot find a husband for her."

"Is she so ugly?" Zar asked.

"Ugly? She is as lovely as a spring morning after a hard winter. She is so fair that flowers close enviously at the sight of her."

"Then why can't she find a husband?"

"Because," said the girl, "her father has but one fault, he is terribly proud. he has sworn that his daughter shall marry none but a king, and unfortunately all the kings hereabout are married already."

"Ah," said Zar, "then perhaps he is in luck--and so am I."

He paid the girl, and gave her a kiss of thanks. Then he and his six friends went up to the palace.

There, they were brought before the king, whose name was Invictus XV, the Ever-Glorious. He was a thin, worried-looking man with the bad habit of biting his nails in spite of his magnificent name. Aside from this, however, he was very royal. When he heard Zar's name, he came down from the throne and greeted him in a kindly way.

"I knew your father," he said. "And I was very distressed to hear of your misfortunes. So now you are out of a job?"

"Exactly," said Zar. "The kingdoms I have visited, already have rulers. But there is another job I am fit for. I will make a good husband for a princess."

King Invictus stroked his beard. "That may be so," he said. However, you must admit there are problems. A king with no kingdom is not much of a match. And my daughter is very rich.

"When I marry her, I will be rich, too," Zar pointed out.

"There is certainly some truth to that," admitted King Invictus. "But I think you will agree that in this case we must use the old fashioned method to find out whether you are worthy. I intend to set you three tests. If you can pass them, you may marry my daughter."

Zar nodded thoughtfully. "First," said he, "let me see your daughter."

King Invictus sent a servant to fetch her. In a few moments, she entered the room. When she came in, it was as though hundreds of birds had begun to sing, or as if the sun had burst through clouds. Zar was dazzled,and behind him, Dumble was so overcome that he fainted dead away and Eryx had to fan him with his hat.

As for the princess, she looked straight at Zar and her eyes lighted like stars.

"Very well," Zar stammered, turning to King Inivictus. "I accept the tests. Let them begin at once. I asks only one thing."

"Ask away," said King Invictus.

"No king does everything for himself, as you well know," Zar said. "We all have councilors, generals, ministers, and servants to help us. So you must allow me to call upon my six friends to aid me in the tests."

King Invictus nodded. "I agree," he said. "But remember that if you fail in any of them, you and your six companions will lose your heads."

Zar and his companions were led by the king's steward into a large chamber. It had seven walls and seven windows. Under each window was a long table, and each table was heaped high with food. Next to each table was a huge vat containing seven gallons of wine.

"This," said the steward, "is the Feast Fit For A King. It is King Invictus' wish that you should eat and drink everything in this room. All must be gone in the space of one hour,and nothing must be left, for no one may turn away unsatisfied from the dinner of a king."

He left them. And for a while, Zar stared at all the food and drink and rubbed his chin.

"I'm sure we are all hungry," he said, "but there is enough food here for a town full of people."

"Perhaps," said Furze, in his sober way, "we ought to climb out of the windows and escape. There is one window for each of us."

Zar shook his head. He turned to Kindle. "Become a fire," he said.

At once, Kindle turned into flames. Darting about the room, he went from dish to dish, from platter to platter, and everything he touched was consumed, devoured, burned to the finest ash,and then to nothing.

Zar said to Agus, "Become an elephant."

Agus did so. Dipping his trunk into the vats, one after the other, he sucked up the wine. He swelled until he was twice as large as before, and he swayed with dizziness, but when he was done every drop had vanished.

Then both Agus and Kindle turned into men once more.

At the end of an hour, the steward returned. His eyes opened wide at the empty plates and the empty vats.

All he said, however, was, "Follow me."

He led them out of the castle, our of the city, and high into the hills. The land grew barren and wild, and a bitter wind blew over the rocks.

"Now," said the steward, "it is King Invictus' wish that you should fetch him the golden egg of the Eagle of the Heights."

"Where is the egg?" asked Zar.

The steward pointed ahead. "Continue on this path," he said, "and you will come to a gap in the earth. On the other side, there is a cliff, and on top of the cliff is a casket. The egg is in the casket. When you have it, bring it back to the castle. As for me, if you will excuse me, I am feeling the chill."

He bowed, and went home to make himself a hot drink.

"It all sounds easy enough," said Eryx.

The seven friends followed the path. It wound higher, and at last ended at the brink of a wide and deep gap. It was too wide to jump , and far below were sharp rocks like teeth in a wolf's mouth.

"Well," said Kindle, briskly, "all we need is plenty of wood, saws, hammers, and nails, and we can build a bridge."

"A bridge we shall have," said Zar, "but we will not build it." And turning to Eryx, he said, "Become a serpent."

At once, Eryx turned into a huge serpent. Coiling the tip of his tail several times around a rock, he drew back his great body and then shot himself forward across the gap. He seized a gnarled tree on the other side with his teeth, and held tight.

One by one, the others ran across his body as on a narrow bridge.

"Wait here," said Zar, "for I hope we shall all come back again."

Before them, there now rose a cliff. It was like the straight wall of a house, and as smooth as glass. It was not very high, but it had no need to be, for there was no way to climb it.

Zar said to Furze, "Become a tree."

Furze set his long feet firmly on the ground next to the cliff. His shape changed, and there stood a tall tree, its branches making a ladder up the face of the cliff.

Swiftly, Zar climbed it. At the top of the cliff, he found a little chest. Snatching it up, he climbed down again. Furze became a man once more.

Zar examined the chest. But it seemed to be all of one piece: there was no lid, no handle, no keyhole,and no key.

He said to Edge, "Become an ax."

At once, Edge was a gleaming ax. He leaped into the air and fell with a smash upon the chest. It burst open, and from it rolled a shining golden egg.

Zar tucked the egg safely away in his pocket. Then he and the others crossed the gap again over Eryx. Eryx drew himself slowly back, coil upon coil, until he had rejoined them, and then he became a man. He rubbed his ribs and groaned.

"Some of you have heavy boots," he complained.

They returned to the city. They entered the throne room of the palace, and Zar laid the golden egg in the hands of King Invictus.

"Good," said the king. "There is but one thing more. You were driven from your kingdom, my boy, and now you must show me that you have learned to defend yourself."

He clapped his hands. From the sides of the room sprang soldiers, each with fierce moustaches, each bearing a huge two-handed sword. They advanced on Zar and his friends.

"Dumble!" cried Zar. "Become a swarm of bees!"

And in the wink of an eye, Dumble vanished and his place rose a dark, angry cloud of bees. They flew staright at the soldiers' faces, and from the soldiers came yells of anguish, of sorrow, and of despair. Turning, they fled away, some of them jumping from the windows, others hiding in the cellars, and others diving into the royal fishpond. The battle was over.

When Dumble had taken a man's shape again, King Invictus XV, the Ever-Glorious, rubbing a sting from a stray bee, said, "King Zar, the tests have been passed. You have proved your right to my daughter's hand. The princess is yours."

They all cheered. Nobles and ladies filled the throne room and hailed young Zar, who would some day be their king. The princess was brought, and she and Zar kissed each other as the sound of all the bells in the city filled the air.

A great banquet was held, and in the places of honor, beside the two kings and the princess, sat Zar's six companions, now made lords of the land.

"There's just one thing about the whole story which I don't understand," said the king's steward, who was sitting at the table next to Agus. "Each of you six had something he could do best. It seems to me that it was you who passed the tests, not Zar. What did he do?"

Agus smiled an elephant smile, his small eyes twinkling.

"He did what only a good king can do," he replied. "He led us."

Day 24 - Track 5 - 20 Years Ago

With the passing of Chief, I think my funeral play list is more appropriate than ever. No one ever thinks of things like this before they die. I have been told I think TOO much. Anyway, here's track 5. The funny thing is that when I think of walking through my old town I think of Boonville, not Glasgow. As I walked and drove through Boonville more than Glasgow. Don't get me wrong, Glasgow is nice-but the memories will be of Boonville, and Kemper.

One other thing; The Gambler than Kenny Rogers also sings makes me think of the time the band played at the Chase Park Plaza hotel in St. Louis for some event. I don't remember much except that the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders were also there. I remember some cover band playing this, and I was sitting at the table right up front watching them play. After it was over and we were mingling, I mentioned to their lead singer how much I loved that song. He said he knew as he saw me singing it with them. Kenny is another true troubadour, like Harry Chapin, Jim Croce, and Rocket.


Twenty Years Ago

It`s been a long time since I walked
Through this old town
But oh how the memories start to flow
And there`s the old movie house
They finally closed it down
You could find me there every Friday night
Twenty years ago.

I worked the counter at the drugstore down the street
But nobody`s left there I would know
On Saturday mornings that`s where
All my friends would meet
You`d be surprised what a dime would buy
Twenty years ago.

All my memories from those days come gather round me
What I`d give if they could take me back in time
It almost seems like yesterday
Where do the good times go?
Life was so much easier twenty years ago.

I guess I should stop by Mr. Johnson`s hardware store
His only son was my friend Joe
But he joined the army back in 1964
How could we know he would never come back
Twenty years ago.

All my memories from those days come gather round me
What I`d give if they could take me back in time
It almost seems like yesterday
Where do the good times go?
Life was so much easier twenty years ago.

Track 4 - Objects In The Rear View Mirror May Appear Closer Than They Are

Ok, number four on my Funeral selection is Objects in the Rear View Mirror May Appear Closer Than They Appear by Meatloaf. This song touched me as I remember my old assistant squad leader, Holmes, at Kemper. That phrase, 'we were racing we were soldiers of fortune...' could have been us. The middle with the part about the abuse I think about the kids we got at Kemper getting away from that and then coming together for all of us to become a family. And then that last part talking about Julie. Well....

Love the wordage of, "she used her body just like a bandage, she used my body just like a wound..."

I know that when the day comes I can see Holmes standing there in his class "C" uniform, on the parade ground, with mist coming all around...

Objects In The Rear View Mirror May Appear Closer Than They Are

The skies were pure and the fields were green
And the sun was brighter than it's ever been

When I grew up with my best friend Kenny

We were close as any brothers that you ever knew

It was always summer and the future called

We were ready for adventures and we wanted them all

There was so much left to dream

And so much time to make it real

But I can still recall the sting of all the tears when he was gone

They said he crashed and burned I know I'll never learn why any boy should die so young

We were racing - we were soldiers of fortune

We got in trouble but we sure got around

There are times I think I see him peeling out of the dark

I think he's right behind me now and he's gaining ground!

But it was long ago and it was far away

Oh God it seems so very far

And if life is just a highway - then the soul is just a car

And objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer then they are

And objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer then they are

And objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer then they are

And objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer then they are

And when the sun descended and the night arose

I heard my father cursing everyone he knows

He was dangerous and drunk and defeated

And corroded by failure and envy and hate
There were endless winters and the dreams would freeze

No where to hide and no leaves on the trees

And my father's eyes were blank as he hit me again and again and again
I know I still believe he'd never let me leave

I had to run away alone

So many threats and fears - so many wasted years before my life became my own

And though the nightmares should be over

Some of the terrors are still intact

I'll hear that ugly coarse and violent voice

And then he grabs me from behind and then he pulls me back
But it was long ago and it was far away

Oh God it seems so very far

And if life is just a highway - then the soul is just a car

And objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer then they are

And objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer then they are

And objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer then they are

And objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer then they are

There was a beauty living on the edge of town

She always put the top up and the hammer down

And she taught me everything I'll ever know

About the mystery and the muscle of love

The stars would glimmer and the moon would glow

I'm in the backseat with my Julie like a Romeo

And the signs along the highway all said, Caution, Kids at Play

Those were the rights of spring and we did everything

There were salvation every night

We got our dreams reborn and our upholstery torn

But everything we tried was right

She used her body just like bandage

She used my body just like a wound

I'll probably never know why she disappeared

But I can see her rising up out of the back seat now just like an angel rising up from a tomb

But it was long ago and it was far away

Oh God it seems so very far

And if life is just a highway - then the soul is just a car

And objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer then they are

And objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer then they are

And objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer then they are

And objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer then they are

Loud Walking Women

I work in an 'office'.... ok, I have a cube with half walls, and I am also near the front. Since the building I am in, also has college classrooms, we get a lot of people around here. And of course the younger women that work here also. What I am talking about are loud shoes. I don't mean loud by the color, I mean, I can hear you from a block away. Why? And considering the rotunda has a ceramic floor, the 'clip clip clip' across from inside to out; to the stairs, to the classroom...ok. Sometimes its not bad. Something that breaks up a long day. But normally its kinda irritating. I am working and suddenly I get the image of a horse pulling a wagon in a parade. And heaven forbid if there are two or three of them together, I think the Clydesdale's are coming down the street. And I am not insulting the way these women look at all! Usually they are very attractive young women. Only one part of that last statement is worth pointing out: young. How a person looks bear nothing to wearing loud shoes. But youth....awww youth. And I think I figured out why the loud walking women are here.The women of today wear the loud shoes because of the loud music played in bars and dance clubs. They can't hear. I think maybe the vibrations from the shoes or something interacts with them music and the drinking. Maybe that helps them dance better.I don't know. I don't have an answer. I don't really care. I will be the first to admit, I have no fashion sense. But I will say this; ladies do what you like. Personally I like women who wear them. They have no problem having people notice them, so normally they are not shy. And it takes a lot of guts to wear, what I perceive as slick bottom shoes on smooth rock or ceramic floor. I know when I walk with smooth shoes I have to be careful, as slipping is always something to be aware of. In closing I thought it was an interesting observation. How trends are not just of fashion or color or style but of noise. One of the many mysteries of the woman of the species I find fascinating.

Evening

Track 3 - Soldier in the Rain

Ok, my all time favorite song is this: Soldier in the Rain by England Dan & John Ford Coley. I heard this song while I was at Kemper, and before all the current stuff was going on, when the military wasn't getting the respect and consideration it deserves, back in the Cold War days. I could see myself coming home from Kemper, standing on the overlook in Glasgow, (that I helped dedicate), and watching the river go by. Or up at the look out point in Harley Park in Boonville. Because at the time, coming home was all I thought of, seeing my family and friends. Actually, all my family and friends were at Kemper, so coming home WITH them would be more appropriate. I always thought that was going to be a secure firebase for us; the farm. I should have remembered that static fortifications can be breached by vertical envelopment. That was a part of my past. Like the green fatigues or b.d.u.s, have given way to the military uniform of today.

Soldier in the Rain

The morning clouds are gathering around As I stand on the bridge of the river Years have gone since I was here And I wonder how I differ Taxi cabs keep rolling by And a blind man asks for change And here I stand a soldier in the rain. Coming home was all I thought of ... Seeing my family and friends They say love knows no distance But the longing never ends And all along the dreams I possessed My heart never were to plain And here I stand a soldier in the rain I remember years ago I had so many plans And now I watch the river flow Time has brought me here With empty hands I remember years ago I had so many plans And now I watch the river flow Time has brought me here With empty hands The morning clouds are gathering around And the streets are full of reflections A traffic light and the moon still bright People going in different directions I've thought about why I'm here Its just too hard to explain And here I stand a soldier in the rain In the rain...

No, I never served a day in the real military. I have always said that not going in the Army was my biggest mistake. My claim to fame has always been Kemper.

Its funny-to try and explain Kemper, the bond, the people. It likes in the song-It's just too hard to explain. Or from the military stand point, if you weren't there then you can never know. Any 'civilian' words would not do it justice. Wars and battles are fought all the time. At all ages. I was thrust into the battle of growing up and tempered with finding a brotherhood

Bunch

I don't have normal friends. Now you can take that statement as its stands, but read as much or as little as you want. It could mean none of my friends are normal, or I maybe the one who is abnormal and by being friends with me they are doing more. I don't know, that explanation sounded better in my head. But I take it as I have a lot of people, who are friends, who, in their own ways are not normal. And that's good.

Take Bunch. I met him at Kemper (go figure). But he came after I had already been there. Also, he was from Arkansas and he tended to shake. His hands weren't as steady, unless he had been drinking. Also, he is the first person I ever met that I would hang the tag of a "professional' when It came to music and the band. He had been to a number of band camps (no American Pie jokes) and actually some of the jokes in the movie might actually have some basis in fact about some of the going ons. Also, about their routines and the band finals, and other things that I never even knew about. But I digress.

Also, in my opinion, he met the love of his life there, and of course lost her later on. But Bunch also became a close friend of mine, and delighted in using my nickname until I got used to it and understood it. He is the kind of guy that tells everyone about the "your name here" diet at McDonald's; which included 2 Big Mac, 2 Large Order of Fries, 2 Hot Apple Pies and a medium Diet Coke. LOL

He was also the one I could go to at 2 o'clock in the morning, wake him up and tell him about the great date I had.

And of course, I didn't know til after my first wedding what he said. They had never met my wife to be before then, so when he saw he come down the aisle and stand there next to me, he leaned over and commented to the guys that it was like a corvette marrying a Chevy. Guess who the Chevy was? But that's ok, cause it was funny and whether then or now, I would still agree with him.

But some people might thing from all that talk, that we weren't close friends. And they would be wrong. I can't go into or explain; it goes back to trust. And besides, I know where all the skeletons are buried... lol. Hell, I probably helped bury them. Or, as someone else pointed out the cartoon; A friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move the bodies. A true friend will be sitting next to you in the cell saying, "Dam, we screwed up!"

He also got me to appreciate strong musicians with horns, besides just Doc Severnson. Since we were all brass; Martin, Miles, Speidel, Whitney, him and I. Anything with that kind of sound. I will be talking about all of these guys and others, so not to worry.

I also remember he had a red camero or Z28 or something; he loved that car. I remember visiting him and he would take that thing through car wash about every other day. Had to be careful, no eating or drinking in the car, those sorts of things. And he had a plastic monkey from the Sonic in Boonville, when Boonville had a Sonic. He was very careful with that monkey; and it had been at least 8 years at the time.

He can play "Taps", especially echo taps, better than anyone I know. Him and Martin... I remember hearing them do that many times at Kemper; they would play that for lights out. I only wish they would play that at my funeral, but I don't rate, I'm just a civilian. But I have the memory, sometimes that's all we have and on those occasions it will have to do.

Also, his parents are marvelous. His mom is the true southern belle; a nicer lady you will not find. His father was a good ole boy, just like my dad. And his brother-former US Marine; another great person. I didn't know Tim, well, really at all, when I got invited to his first wedding (yeah Kemper curse got him, I guess through Greg) in Georgia I believe. Since I was "super cargo" meaning I had nothing to do there, not being a member of the family or bridal party, I was the go-fer and general fixer/helper. Not a problem. But I was part of the "family." Just those outside the Bunch's didn't know it.

I can see Bunch with one of his smug smiles or when he is talking and he opens his eyes real wide, or his laugh. You spend enough time around people, you can recall all of the little things. I want to do that. Bunch has a son from his first wife. Me, I'm it. So by blogging all of this I can remember all of this for him and if my memory goes, for me too. And Bunch did get me drinking W.L. Weller, because growing up that's all he drank. I had never heard of that liquor until I met him. Dad always drank Jack Daniels, so that's pretty much all I knew at the time. Score another for Bunch for that.

One last thing; we never really speak about how we felt about each other (you know, being guys and all....) but I know he knows that I have much love and respect for him and the others. I know its difficult for them sometimes, but it goes without saying that I would trust them my life.
I found something in one of the many books I am always reading. I won't try and do the set up, just state it: A man gets the companions he deserves. Note it doesn't say friends. I thought about that,as it was a military story about men in combat. I call these guys my friends, but they are more, as I have stated, they are family. So companions works.

Bunch, with much affection and respect...

Day 23 - Track 2 Desperado

Who here, who were alive and kicking in the 70s don't remember the Eagles?! I mean they were a great band! And I know many identified with their music and lyrics. And Desperado is a classic.

Desperado

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses? You been out ridin' fences for so long now Oh, you're a hard one I know that you got your reasons These things that are pleasin' you Can hurt you somehow Don't you draw the queen of diamonds, boy She'll beat you if she's able You know the queen of heats is always your best bet Now it seems to me, some fine things Have been laid upon your table But you only want the ones that you can't get Desperado, oh, you ain't gettin' no younger Your pain and your hunger, they're drivin' you home And freedom, oh freedom well, that's just some people talkin' Your prison is walking through this world all alone Don't your feet get cold in the winter time? The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine It's hard to tell the night time from the day You're loosin' all your highs and lows Ain't it funny how the feeling goes away? Desperado, why don't you come to your senses? Come down from your fences, open the gate It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you You better let somebody love you, before it's too late.

Especially the part: "Now it seems to me some fine things, have been laid upon your table, but you only want the ones you can't get." I never thought that was me. But maybe it is. Still, it's a song that, besides epitomizing how I have felt over the years, is also a song from the days of my happiest times: from Kemper to shredding Highway 87 to big Thanksgiving gatherings and life long friends. And a part from another of their songs also said what I have been looking for: "I've been searching for the daughter of the devil himself/I've been searching for an angel in white/I've been waiting for a woman whose a little of both and I can feel her when she no where in sight."

So ends track 2.

Day 22 - Track 1

I love commercials. I work in advertising so go figure. I think commercials are like miny movies; if they are done right. And the best commercials play on previous ones, like new chapters; or are just great stand alones. Of course bad ones are best forgotten. Think I am crazy? Everyone knows that the most expensive commercial time is during the Superbowl, and the best ones are on at that time also. Hell, I would rather watch the commercials than the game.

I think the one for Mastercard, where the guy gives his wife first a box of tissues, then a paper bag and then the trampoline, before revealing the cars is GREAT! And the look on his face; truly the cat who is about to eat the canary and the canary has no idea.

Second are those match.com commercials where two people find each other. Yeah I know either romantic or sappy-depending on what you believe. I want to believe the romance. I look at the couples and hope they are happy and are great together.

I have a section on my Zune player that is entitled "Songs to be Played at my Funeral." I only want one or two traditional songs played, NO BAGPIPES, while the rest can be shuffled with these. Each of these songs mean something to me. The only two things in my life that are truly never changing are the stars and music. So, the first track up is:

Five Generations of Rock County Wilsons by Doug Supernaw

It seems like overnight the town of Red River
was suddenly full of strange men.
Who wore suits in the summer and stood on the dirt roads,
trying to hold their maps in the wind.
And some of them smiled
and some of them didn't
and none of them cam back again.
After 5 generations of Rock County Wilsons
the last 50 acres, apparently didn't
mean a damn thing to them.
I stood on the hill overlooking Red River
where my momma and her momma lay
and listened to the sounds of the big diesel cat
as they tore up the woods where I played.
And I said momma forgive me
that I'm almost glad
that you're not here today.
After 5 generations of Rock County Wilsons
see the last 50 acres in the hands of somebody
that would actually blow it away.
You know the bus station in the town of Red River
used to be the general store
But now they got a new one and you know thats okay
if a bus is what you're looking for.
So early one morning
when the sun cut Red
I got up with the dawn.
After 5 generations of Rock County Wilsons
The last one just climbed on a big old gray dog
and was gone.

For those who don't know my back story, they won't truly understand, but I had to sell the family farm after a messy reading of my mother's will. And I was the fifth generation of the Howard county line to have lived on the Fairview Stockfarm. But I wouldn't be saying momma, I would be saying daddy and grandma forgive me. It was Herring land. But I did take a small amount of dirt when I left, and want that with me when I go.

People might think its strange that I am planning this. And no, I have no plans of leaving early-I just know how I want it. Maybe then people will understand me even more. There is an old saying that I found that I truly believe in: Never explain. Your friends won't need it and your enemies won't believe you anyways.

I want the people who might only know me a little bit, to try and understand me. Those that didn't go to Kemper with me, and don't know all my "rooms." (verse layers of an onion; I like the idea of rooms in a house). So maybe this will help. And to my friends, it will enlighten I am sure, although I don't need it with you guys.

So ends the first track.

Day 21 - Elizabethtown

I thought this was a very underrated movie. I love this movie and the music. It's important, I feel, for the music and the movie go hand in hand. Luckily this was one of them. I know, amazing that someone who is passionate about military movies likes this one. Not so strange really. Amongst all the military types I know, who are professionals, there is always a touch about them. Something that makes them human. Be it their love of animals or their family. There is something. I was lucky in that my mother instilled in me compassion at an early age. But like many; don't mistake compassion for weakness.

Anyway, back to the movie. I wish I could find someone like Claire. Maybe that's my problem-I can't find someone who is as crazy as that. or maybe they are just crazier. Not good. Or not crazy enough; also not good. The right mix. But hell, that's a dream. Just like the movie, its "unlife." Not real. There are not people like that. Or more correctly, there are not ENOUGH people like that. The ones that are, are already taken or are taken with someone else who probably doesn't appreciate them. Eventually the spark that makes them like that, dies. Children growing up. Some may say, "I'll never grow up." Oh yeah? What was the last crazy thing you did? It doesn't have to be a road trip like that, but how about something else like helping people you have never met, and probably never see again? Or start writing that novel you had always talked about or sand karaoke?

I have been crazy, usually alone as like I said, it seems few can keep up. And now, while I am an adult, I am far from grown up. I think I have the right combination; but not catalyst. And no cats right now either. Sigh. I get my kitty fix from icanhascheezburger.com. But also I like to visit the Humane Society. Now that pulls at anyone's heart strings if you ask me.

w.o.w moment: you can have a pet, even one that may seem a bit odd.

Day 20 - New President

Well we have a new president. Good, bad or indifferent, we are in it. I didn't vote for him, but on the same token, I give everyone a chance. So we shall see.

On that note, I sent a request to the new prez for him to sign our front page poster that the Missourian is selling. I also sent him some papers, to show him reading it. Who knows. But like we teach any sales people; if you don't ask you don't know. We may get something back, we may get nothing back. But we tried.

Someone sent me a great slide show about the Sr-71. Very nice. He was pilot and talked about how the Blackbird helped end the Cold War. I tend to agree. As we all know, intelligence is a major asset when you are working against someone. It was a very nice tribute.

W.o.w. thought: sometimes trying something new isn't bad, even if you are playing Horde.

Day 19 - Holmes

When I started Kemper, I was assigned to 2nd squad, 2nd platoon, Delta Company. My assistant squad leader was a guy named Holmes. He was from Nebraska and a year older than me. He was an Old Boy, this being his second year and a corporal. And for some strange reason we became friends.

You have to understand, the Old Boy - New Boy system didn't really allow for that. But we had some of the same ideas and the same initials, and he could see that I was having a hard time getting used to the ideas of Kemper.

I remember us talking about stories we wrote fro Doyle's English class. I will never forget them. I am not sure if it was hero worship or what, but I looked up to him. And my squad leader, who scared me, I eventually saw with different eyes. In fact the next year when he came back to visit, I went up to him and shook his hand saying, "Last year I hated your guts, but now I understand."

Anyway, back to Holmes. I can't really say much more about him. I knew him for that first year. My second year, I made the mistake of not wanting to go back. But after my first week at the public high school, I realized I had made a huge mistake and thankfully I got back into Kemper at mid-term. By then, he had left at mid-term and went home. I didn't find out to much later that he died real close to the day I signed the Standard of Honor - our honor code. Between my squad leader and Holmes I understood things a lot better. While Kemper had Army ROTC, we always called the drill & ceremony manual, FM 22-Kemper instead of 22-5 nomenclature the Army gave it. Also,we took pride in the school; a lot like the Marines. We were different in the way a National Guard unit is different than a regular Army unit. That's how we looked at ourselves verses regular ROTC units. In fact I would say we were like the guard or reserves at that time; as we did our military training on the weekends. I could assemble and disassemble an M-16 in under 2 minutes. The reason we had the future 2nd Lts of the Army training us. They needed to know how to conduct training and we needed to be trained. Imagine that.

But the one thing that has stayed with me; and the image is as vivid as anything, is that of Holmes. I can see him in my mind's eye in his uniform, with that smile of his. I can hear his voice. He usually comes to mind when I am having a rough time. And I know why he is there. He was there when I was going through the first rough times of my life. I can only pray that when at last my feet have stopped and I move on from this mortal coil, hes there to greet me. I hope I haven't made him laugh too much at my time here on earth. I wish that he could have shared those times. But he did. He was with me.

numquam non paratus

no w.o.w tonight....

Day 18

Worlds of Fun is a theme park in Kansas City, MO. I remember when it opened and the various 'stages' it has gone through-the different rides and such.

One such ride was the "Screamroller." At the time it was one of the first roller coasters that went upside down. I can still remember how the ride went:

You went up the walk way, lots of wood, like an old mine building. Getting inside there was a 'Chicken Door.' If you wanted to chicken out you could. I remember that the line to get there one time was 45 minutes for a 90 second ride.

Once you got strapped in and the ride started you immediately starting going up this large hill. I loved it, because when you got to the top and before you headed down and to the right you could see the Kansas City skyline. And then you could see the park (the ride was at the southwest part of the park). It was great at dusk with all the lights on. Then you went down and did your two loops and that was about it. Like I said; it was about 90 seconds total.

I remember being a senior and going up there for senior nite. They also have a river boat up there. Its static, doesn't go anywhere, but there was an old time photographer and some other shops on the different decks and places to sit and relax. Anyway, I remember hooking up with some friends at the Screamroller. We had just got in line behind some girls, and I remember one of them had a shirt on that had some writing on it. I asked her what it said. She said "Kiss me I'm German." One of my friends had been talking and hadn't heard what she said and asked me what was it. I told him, "Kiss me I'm German; but not me, her!" We all laughed at that and continued to talk and get friendly as we waited. I believe her name was Debbie, she was a senior also and lived in one of the KC suburbs, Kearney. After the ride was over her and one of her girlfriends joined ma and my friend to do the rest of the rides. It was great. At the end I remember kissing her good bye and walking away amongst the lights of the trees of some small shops. My friend took it in stride; at the time he was kinda of a ladies man. But for me, it was great.

Hey, I have always been and always will be a romantic. And for me, at the time, this was a big thing.

Still reading the Chicken Soup books... and I finally figured out, that the word I have been looking for, for what has happened in my life is: humbled. Not that I was all haughty or anything before. And like I said, I would hope my friends would say I am just as nice as I was then. But then I could try and fix things with money. I still wanted to help people, but, another thing I realized that had to happen was, that I had to loose. Before I had never really lost. I don't know if things came easily to me or what. The ex- one said I hadn't lost enough yet. (Like I said, been working through a lot of what the ex- said, but I am getting to where I only have the two suitcases and a carry on for baggage.)

But I thought, that if the worst case scenario happened, I could survive. Now I know. If that makes any sense.

W.o.W. moment: Death is not the end, just another beginning.

Day 17

As I read the "Chicken Soup" books, I do cry at a lot of the stories. They are just that good and heart warming. It also reminds me that, like in some, I got what I got before, so I can handle whats going on now in my life. It might be Payment Due or How the mighty has fallen... but I know I would not be able to handle what is going on, if not for what happened before. Of course it could be said, that had things I not done or etc happened, I wouldn't be here either. Who knows.

The best things that has been happening is that I am rediscovering older music (70s, 80s and 90s) that I had forgotten. I have still been going through my cassettes to get those songs that you would never find now. The ones that are not made into CDs.

Also, I have been scanning pictures in and putting them on the classmates site. And I have been simplifying still, when I can pull myself away from W.o.W. And that one Big Bang Theory episode had it right, when Penny (the good looking neighbor) gets hooked on online gaming; it makes you feel good that you have some control over some aspect. I already knew that from playing D & D. And W.o.W. is a stop-gap for that; until you can find a good group to play with. I was lucky in that case also; in the 80's I had a good group. Even had a girl gamer, playing a female character. Trust me; in those days that was a miracle.

The weather warmed up today-somewhere in the 40s.

Not much more to say right now. I just wanted to make sure that I kept my New Years resolutions. So far no soda and I have written everyday. As for the pictures-didn't get to it today. But that's ok. I am not giving up. As Chief always said, There was only one perfect man and he died on the cross. So I am not going to get hung up over it. Or, as Titus said; Climb down off the cross, take the lumber and build a bridge and get over it. In any case, I will keep at it. But the soda and the writing... so far so good. And trust me, pizza without soda is very difficult.

W.o.W. moment: If you don't know something, just ask.

Day 16 - Snow

Well it is snowing. Its actually warmer now than it was this morning and it is suppose to be in the 40s tomorrow.

Had Papa John's pizza last night; I usually have their Hawaiian feast (Canadian bacon and pineapple) but they must have changed it and put chicken on it along with a different type of sauce. I had them switch the chicken for bacon, but didn't know about the sauce til I got the pizza. It wasn't bad, just wasn't what I was expecting.

Lots in the news today. The plane that landed in the river in New York and the oldest horse in Missouri (40yrs old) are on our web site (www.columbiamissourian.com).

I have been uploading a lot of old pictures to Classmate.com from the Kemper days. I hope some of the guys who have disappeared see them and get in touch. Still re-reading the Chicken Soup for the Soul books. I had forgotten how good those stories were, along with great ideas. I guess that's the whole "Chicken Soup" bit.

Not much more right now. Have a 3 day weekend with the holiday on Monday.

Thought from the W.o.w universe: Even when you work hard, you may only get experience as a reward.

Day 15 - Calenders and Hank

Finally! we got our calenders from Campus Printing Services. Trust me when I say they were eagerly awaited, especially by me. When I first started, I had 3 calenders so I could track orders and what was going on. I finally broke myself of that habit and got a spread sheet set up to do that. I am sure there is an easier way or some other way, but what I do works for me.

I was talking with one of my sisters.... and you thought I was an only child. I have many sisters and brothers though not the same blood runs through any of our veins; this was Laura from Arkansas. Anyway, I told her about my New Years resolution, and she asked whens the book about Kemper I am going to write coming out. I told her we could probably do that from these entries. She is also one of the Lauras that after my last divorced told me that if I get involved with any other women, that I need to run her past them. I told her, no problem.

Want to see a hero? Someone who stands tall and is larger than life; someone who had 5 tours in Iraq, Afghanistan, Desert Storm, etc... Well check out the picture in this entry. That's Hank. At the time he was in 7th grade at Kemper. He went 8 years there, 2 years longer than I. And yeah he was that small at the time. And he had braces. Of course you expect him to be now big and tall? He may be about 5'8" I am guessing and probably about the same size. Let me tell you about Hank and Kemper.

I was a platoon sergeant at the time. If you ask another friend, "Lucifer," he said that I was "St. Pete" since I got the good platoon. Well Hank was one of mine. While you were a new boy you were gonna get picked on, that was a given. But Hank also had his size which was a factor and he had his own outlook that hadn't quite jelled with the rest of us. Being away from his relatives was hard enough. He had lost his parents, and yeah I could tell you stories that Lifetime and other channels would love to know, and keep them busy making movies of the week for years, but that ain't happening. At least not with Hank. And besides, I never knew Hank to shy away from anything. He met everything head on. That's another trait amongst certain Kemper cadets. But I digress. If I do write that book, I will interview Hank and let him tell you his story himself. But I will tell you this story.

As I said, I was his platoon sergeant. For those of you who are militarily challenged, I was the highest non-commissioned officer in that platoon; so I had to make sure everyone was where they were suppose to be at a given time, doing what they were suppose to do and making the officers look good at the same time. Ok, maybe that's an over-simplified way to states it; and I was also an officer, so I can say that. One morning, everyone was lined up ready for breakfast. As I got the reports from the squad leaders, Hank's told me that he was missing. Aw crap. Hank must have gone AWOL. AWOL was serious, but usually we caught the kid before too long. These were usually the kids who were either homesick or just not fitting in with the discipline. There were only certain ways to go, if you were heading home; the highway or possibly grab a train. Hank being Hank, his size means he wouldn't have had much of a head start.

Now before I "called out the dogs" as it were, I went back to his room to see if there was any sign that he done that. Maybe he was taking someones duty or doing something and forgot to check in. I stood in the doorway to his room. Everyone had a roommate and the room is like any other. Two beds, one on each side. A common desk top that ran the length of the room, two chairs, and an area for hanging their clothes. Hank's roommate was up and in formation and his side was clean. His bed was made and everything where it should be. Hank's bed still had the blanket rumpled on it. Like he had thrown it off, and gotten up and not folded it up. I stood there thinking what to do. Well I knew I had to check his room to see if he was hiding somewhere. But there really was no place to hide. I reached down and grabbed the blanket and pulled... and there was Hank. He had rolled over under the blanket and was curled up in a ball next to the wall. You could not have told that there was anyone under that blanker, he was that small.

Hank has been in a uniform since 7th grade, 1980. He is about ready to retire out of the Army, after having been in there for 20 years. For those of us who knew him back then, and the crap we gave him-to see where he has gotten from where he has come, all I can say that we are very, very proud of him! Does that mean that I don't think he laughs like an asthmatic hyena? No, he does laugh like that. But I trust him with my life and would back him every which way possible. Do I think he would do that for me? No, I don't think that; I know that.

And the W.o.W moment-not in this post.

Thanks Hank. For everything, from then to now. You didn't do good; you did great!